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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

We Placed Second in the Saugus.Net Ghost Story Contest!!!

Last year we placed third in the 14th annual Saugus.Net Ghost Story contest; Adult category. This year I am happy to say we finished second in the 15th Annual Contest with a satirical look at municipal building regulations and boards and The Grim Reaper in a story titled: THE DEATH KNELL. Nothing gory here, just comedy. We are happy with the finish. My best to the first and third place finishers in the adult category and my best to the judges who completed their decisions despite having to deal with the damage and power outages wrought by the true monster of this years Halloween--Sandy. The story is posted on Saugus.net under Adult and will be posted shortly on josephjpatchen.weebly.com. Congratulations too to the elementary school, middle school and high school winners as well. Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween

Of course we here have to wish all of you a Happy Halloween. This year is a haggard and tired Halloween for obvious reasons. I pray all of you are safe and I pray that the most overlooked comforts of life return soon.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

As We Wait On Hurricane Sandy

That is for the monster known as Sandy, we clean our desk to help us compartmentalize understanding that the demons that dance in our imagine are not as powerful and horrific as those who actually walk among us. Hurrican Sandy is a force of nature that simply cannot be defeated. She can only be respected and feared. We cannot strike back against her assault only accept it. Our fear and feeling of dread is heightened so we wait and work on cleaning our desk... And when you come across the story of a New York City Police Officer who plotted to kill and eat up to one hundred women the shudder you feel rattles your spine. People disappear everyday. Bodies are found. The monsters are truly out there and while we have fun this Halloween with our candy and costumes and movies and with our tales of terror the monsters are truly out there...be safe everybody.

"THE DARK ONES" reviewed on LURIDLIT Now!!!!

I was supposed to publish this review on Halloween but thanks to the real monster Hurrican Sandy we publish early while we still have wifi and electric.... This novel was penned by Bryan Smith. If you recall we loved his "Rock and Roll Reform School Zombies". Both published by Deadite Press. Please give it a read, as with all my columns on Luridlit.com. Thank you.

Friday, October 26, 2012

We May Be Down: A Rant About The Weather Channel

I am not making light of the 'unprecedented storm' that is bearing down on us--in the New York tri-state, but enough Weather Channel. You guys had me so ramped up last night I signed a will, built my coffin and set up a pyre in the backyard. Enough! We understand the severity of this storm but harping and harping and harping when we aren't sure where it is going to make landfall gives the appearance that your editorial policy of the station (and Network NBC) will be disappointed if Sandy misses the most populated area. Please just report facts as our local weather coverage is doing; most noticeably Channel 12 Connecticut whose coverage is calm, informative, intelligent and stellar. So cut it out Weather Channel please. So, we may be down for a while depending on how our infrastructure and utilities fare. I'll see everybody post-storm. Stay dry and stay safe.

HARD BITE: THE NOVEL Thank you Blasted Heath

It is great to be quoted and great to be there as the announcement for this wonderful and gritty book is published. We were quoted in the announcement! I am honored. By the way, buy "Hard Bite The Novel". I cannot recommend it enough.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

josephjpatchen.weebly.com has been updated

Stop by there. We have just updated it for month of October. You'll find new stories, book reviews and an article or two.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Please sign up for my course....

It is official we will be offered as a Creative Writing Course for Milford Adult Education in the Spring. So please. Please. Please sign up so I can actually teach the course. It will be fun. In all seriousness. I look forward to talking writing and working together to get new people published.

Anonymous-9 and Blasted Heath's HARD BITE THE NOVEL Contest

Hey readers go to Blasted Heath, the publisher of "Hard Bite The Novel" for a chance to win a Kindle Paperwhite and enter a unique photo contest with the ever lovable Sid. If the link doesn't click, cut and paste on your browser or go straight to Blasted Health for all the details. Good Luck and Have Fun. Here is the contest link: http://blastedheath.com/?p=742 This is courtesy of Blasted Heath and Anonymous-9's amazing "Hard Bite The Novel". I posted this same content on Luridlit.

Monday, October 22, 2012

"The Meandering Dead" A REVIEW

This will be my last statement on "The Walking Dead" for now. I realize I am in a minority as there is so much twitter and internet buzz over this new season; but I have to say episode two did little to dissuade my disappointment. Still no Governor, no Merle, no Michonne, and no Andrea. Personally, I am not happy with the writing, the continuity holes, the conflicting treatment of characters, etc. This story is meandering for me and I don't know if I will stick around for episode three. Just a little rhyme, nothing witty to say; it must be the b-o-r-e-d-o-m. Maybe I am just zombied out. Just like the vampire as a concept was overplayed and bastardized so walk the dead.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Inspiration.....?

Just the other day an editor asked me just what inspires you to write what you write. A friend of mine described my writing as 'one sick mother f@#$%^. Inspiration? I have no inspiration. I have no design. When I write I cannot plot anything out or outline an idea. Inspiration thy name is sleep; as I have always said -- I write straight out of my nightmares. For those who might care.

Pay For Play Magazines and Ezines

A trend is beginning where for one to publish, you have to pay. Perhaps its the economic times; perhaps its the new model of short story publishing. With pay as scant, at times, as it is for a fiction writer I cannot believe these sites will have a long shelf life.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

FX's AMERICAN HORROR STORY--A REVIEW

Last night the newest story arc for American Horror Story: Asylum premiered on FX. Returning is Jessica Lange and added to the cast is James Cromwell. The presence of these actors is enough to peak my interest. However, was it me or did the script meander, pander and become a billboard for a cliche? Were the horrors introduced a yawn and just a re-hash of "Hostel"? I was greatly disappointed in this premiere and only hope the story does justice to these actors. I give it one more shot.

It Just Doesn't Do It For Me....

This is an up and coming new standard rejection from editors. I recently received one and other writers have reported the same reply. I think this is perhaps the most honest rejection one can ever receive from an editor because isn't it always about the editors gut? And after the editor, like a director, has the overall vision for the larger piece. And writing and publishing is all about fit in the end. One editor's rejection is another writer chance at a greater market that opens later. We have all had those.

Longer Works.....

Work and life have intervened and we are not writing as much as we would like or should be. The commitment here going forward is longer works and in fact looking into book proposals. So if we slow down, we haven't stopped; we are just looking to create more.

josephjpatchen.weebly.com

If you have been there and it appears nothing is happening, well we just haven't update it. We will soon...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Book Review of HARDBITE: THE NOVEL on LURIDLIT NOW!!!!

The long awaited release of HARD BITE THE NOVEL is at hand. Anonymous-9's book as published by Blasted Heath will be on shelves October 25th. Get an advanced look at this much awaited novelization of the sensation that is Anonymous-9 right now; right this minute ON LURIDLIT NOW!!

Thank you Frito Lay for not thinking Eva Longoria's rape joke is funny

Thank you Frito Lay for contacting me on the phone today to clarify that Eva Longoria's tweeted rape joke was not funny. For those who did not hear, Ms. Longoria tweeted and retweeted her assertion that essentially Joe Biden made Paul Ryan 'his prison B----'. That the debate amounted to a 'prison rape LOL.' When I first contacted the corporation who has launched a huge ad campaign with the star of 'Desperate Housewives' I was told rather flippantly that her political philosophy was no business of Lay's. True I agree; but anyone who thinks rape is a joke, that is my problem. Eva Longoria spoke at the Dem Convention and she is on record as a person who agrees with Barack Obama's'war on women'. She thinks rape is a joke? But thank you Frito Lay for telephoning me today to say they are taking this issue seriously. Let's see what they do and let's contact Loreal, another of Ms. Longoria's sponsors, next.

I am writing this post....THIS IS A TEST, ONLY A TEST

to see if Candy Crowley will interrupt me 28 times and insert false information in between. I guess not. A book review will posted today!!! THIS IS A TEST ONLY A TEST.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Issue 6 of SURREAL GROTESQUE OUT NOW!!!

This is the Halloween Issue! Issue 6 of SURREAL GROTESQUE is out. I have two appearances in this issue dedicated to Urban Legends. My short story "Diminishing Sight" (a Halloween story) and my article on the television series THE WALKING DEAD also appears. Give it a read if you dare---the artwork alone is worth it. That and my story and article too. This article was written well before the season premiere of The Walking Dead that I dubbed last night as The Walking Dud. Read the article, and my story, and you will see why I posted last night as I did.

TALES FOR THE TOILET Paperback version....

No jokes, while the Kindle version is available now the paperback version will hit the AMAZON.COM AND BARNES AND NOBLE shelves November 5th.

THANK YOU GOOGLE BLOGGER

The pageview count is back!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

WHY DID GOOGLE BLOGGER ERASE ALL MY PAGE VIEWS?

WHY?

"The Walking Dud" Season Opener A REVIEW

With a grand build up and a double marathon lead-in Season 3 of "The Walking Dead" premiered on AMC just a few mere moments ago. AMC must be so proud of this episode because, as of this writing they are re-running it prior to the season opener of "Talking Dead". I don't know what they will be talking about but I am just about done mumbling my disappointment. With all the build up of a hurricance/blizzard for the ages all I felt when this baby hit the shore was a mild breeze. Where was the governor? Why was Michonne limited to a handful of non sequitar minutes? This franchise played up the entry of these new characters but I guess that was a tease to get me to episode two. I feel cheated. I feel used. For the episode that did air, the prison battle went about as expected but the twists served up the writers left more questions than wide-eyed shock. For example, for such a tactician why didn't Rick leave his medical man, Herschel, behind to look after his pregnant wife. Why was it so essential that he part of this away team? Maybe he watched too much classic Star Trek. And if there are a group of living breathing prisoners essentially hiding from the flesh eating zoimbies--why weren't these zombies hanging out near them. Maybe time will tell next week or in Season Four.

Thank You NAUGATUCK HISTORICAL SOCIETY

Thank You NAUGATUCK HISTORICAL SOCIETY, for their hospitality and allowing me to present my Halloween Program of Civil Folklore and Civil War Ghost Stories at their Annual Luncheon this afternoon. The setlist of original stories presented include: OF THE FLESH, COUNTRY GIRL, INVENTION, TRINKETS, and RIDE. Trinkets can still be found on "Flashes In The Dark". Links to be found on josephjpatchen.weebly.com. I appreciate the nice lunch and discussions afterward. Happy Halloween to the Naugatuck Historical Society! Thank you.

Friday, October 12, 2012

DUST BUNNY is on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

My flash fiction horror story, "Dust Bunny" has been published on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. There is even a nice review in the comments about it. Stop by and give it a read.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Nobel Prize For Literature

Congratulations to Mo Yan for his achievement. But it is curious that the descriptions of brutality to innocents and animals, extremely graphic, are embraced by the elite while splatterpunk horror is derided as garbage by these same critics and scholars. While I understand he is recounting history, this is something we are all of. Honestly, maybe it's the transalation but I do not find the prose all that special. Again, I think the Nobel Committee was looking to make a political statement. And for those of you who believe this appraisal to be sourgrapes. First, my writing doesn't fit the perameters of the prize. Second, ever since Arafat won a peace prize; and a few other questionable prizes have been awarded since; I view the Nobels to be in line with the Oscars and the Grammys. My record on those two is very clear. Congratulations nonetheless I have read and come away scratching my head.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

RIP Alex Karras

Before there was Mongo or Webster, there was Alex Karras the football player. A man who, while making the all decade team for the 1960s, should be enshrined in Canton. Rest in Peace to Alex Karras.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

"Dust Bunny" To Be Published

This month on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. Thank you Emily. Details and publication date to follow. "Dust Bunny" is a very short bedtime tale about just what lies under a monster's bed.

Monday, October 8, 2012

We were remiss...

in not marking the death of Edgar Allan Poe yesterday. Ironic that work and life got in the way. This is the 163rd anniversary of Mr. Poe's death from what apparently is now being reported as rabies. Whatever the cause we salute the man many of us owe so much too.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

TALES FOR THE TOILET KINDLE EDITION IS ON AMAZON

I have just been told and I am on page 91. The paperbacks are on their way.

TALES FOR THE TOILET Due Out Tomorrow

October 8th it hits the shelves. I have a photo up on my facebook page. In it is the saga of "Flight 377." It will be available at Amazon.com in print and kindle. I believe Barnes and Noble will have it too.

Boy everything is slow...

I notice it more this year than last. Things are slow, not only in our economy but in the sub-section of horror publishing as well. Well it is part of the economy. Magazines are going belly up and anthologies are being cancelled. Editors are taking longer to respond and it is merely a trickle down from the overall mess our lives are in. Hopefully within a month things will get better with the promise that help is on the way rather than the status quo. I know some sites and magazines are concerned about the status quo and their possible revisit of Senate Democrat Harry Reid's legislation that would regulate the internet so drastically and empower The Department of Justice so much that the demise of this genre for most of us would most certainly be. I hate to get political but we are talking about writing and despite his claims, the Reid legislation last spring threatened virtually every non-party aligned site and blog. Thank God even some members of his own party came to their senses.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Book Review Posted on Luridlit NOW!!!

James Hutchings "Two-Fisted Tweets" gets my look on this installment of Luridlit.com. These are horror, sleaze, and science fiction tales told in a simple tweet. Forty of them in all. Take a peek or give a tweet.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Micro Award

It is that time of year. The invitations have filled our inboxes for this years' awards for those under 1,000 word stories published on the net as opposed to paper. Since I was so new to this process last year I submitted the first story I published. Hey, after all I gave up writing years ago to toil like an idiot in the practice of law. This year however, I am going to give it a lot more thought. And while I doubt I will win, as horror stories never win; I think we'll send a humorous one and make a better and more entertaining showing this time around.

HARD BITE THE NOVEL

Anonymous-9 was gracious to send me an advanced copy of the most buzzed about novel on the net. "HARD BITE THE NOVEL" will be reviewed on Luridlit on the 17th just before its release on October 25th. For those who have read my review of her collection of short stories that are the basis for this volume; I am as excited as you are to see just how these characters fare in a longer format. So this is the teaser....stay tuned.