There Truly Is Vampirism Out There

Oh, there truly is. More than ever before I believe. More than there were during the Dark Ages. Don't get me wrong, I'm talking about the flesh and blood kind, not the undead black caped Eastern European voiced ones. These vampires feast on one's energy in form of 'energy' not blood. Everyday of my life, and I believe many of you can chime in on this in your endeavors, I am surrounded by hoardes of 'vampires' sapping my energy and trying my patience. 'Energy Vampires' as they are called have rendered me this week completely exhausted. Here is a case in point; The phone rang and I answered the way I always do "Hello Joseph Patchen speaking" and as I was in the middle of my greeting I heard "Hello". I said " Yes, Hello?" And the response was three more 'hellos'. I stopped and said "I'm here and you are?" And the genius on the other end says "Hello, I am looking for Joseph Patchen." I told her that was me. She then asked me if it really was me. And again I said 'Yes'. The person then says "Thank you and proceeds to cold call on something I requested online." I told her I didn't buy anything. She insisted. I told her I was too poor to buy anything. She persisted. I told her that I am not allowed to buy anything without my wife's pwermission and she continued her scripted pitch. So I hung up. Not more than fifteen seconds later the phone rings again. I pick up and it is her still in the middle of her monologue. Give her an "A" for effort. I praised her for being a real go getter. So I told her 'okay you win' and requested all the details on what she was selling. When she finished you could tell she was smug. She almost sounded sultry when she requested my email so as to send all the paperwork to seal the deal. Beaten as I was well...as she told me how my life would be enhanced by her efforts to help me this day I almost forgot my old and invalid email address -- but I didn't. Next I received a phone call from someone who recommended me to a firm who needed representation. As directed I contacted the principal and we spoke at length about just general stuff such as my qualifications and fees. He then wished a face to face meeting with he and his wife since this involved both of them. At the meeting the next day, it soon became clear this was not going to be a 'corporate' representation since the issue involved his young son and their school. Ten minutes in to the meeting, this individual's demeanor changed one-eighty: he became loud and demanding, at times shouting and always absolute. Each time I tried to calm him he only became louder. It didn't a brain surgeon to conclude that the underlying issue with his son and school lie within his hamster wheeled cranium. As I declined his generous offer that I cut my hourly fee in half I made for the door when his wife actually spoke, begging me to stay and to speak with their in-house in-family social worker about the issue. I excused myself and made for the parking lot. As I reached for my car door a young woman was running toward me shouting my name. This made me more nervous but she was young and fast and I'm fat and slow. She introduced herself as the social worker apologizing and rationalizing for the tone of the meeting. Then almost on a dime her eyes light up and she says "So you have your own office. That must be very exciting for you. Your mommy and daddy must be so proud of you." My reply came without hesitation "Yes, I think they are; but more importantly you see I have been wearing big boy pants now for more than a week and I do not need their help to go potty anymore." She was still standing there dumbstruck as I drove off. You can't beat stupod and crazy and the only way to salvage the energy and ttime they try to take from you is to give it right back. Have a good night.