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Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year

I just want to wish all of you a Happy New Year. I meant to write this sooner but I am recovering from a bout with pneumonia and have been slow to get much done these past few days. I want to thank all of you for your support; your comments; and your readership. I promise we will entertain you more in 2013. Be safe and be well; be prosperous and be happy. This was a tough year but we can make this coming year a stronger one.

Friday, December 28, 2012

My Creative Writing Course Is Here....

Starting February 2013...write me for details...

The Cupboard Has Gone Bare.....

Life is Merry Go Round that never ends; and in fact, at times, is not very merry. As we begin to close out the year from all the day to day crap we all have to do, some things slide even if you work hard at it. Well I was reviewing where we come this year. We published a lot more, had fewer rejections, and even on the rejections, for the most part we upgraded when published. But my cupboard is bare. I have precious very little out there. So I guess its time to write again. I am happy to say we have some neat things in progress. Probably too many, but I like the direction we are headed. My hope is that you the reader will continue to be entertained. I thank you for your support and encouragement as we look to barge into and through 2013. Thank you.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

"SNOW BABY" Published Today in ISSUE VIII of SURREAL GROTESQUE

This is the Apocalypse themed issue. My horror story 'Snow Baby' finds his way. I also have an article in this issue on the history of apocalyptic literature from the 1800s to today. Give it a read. Thanks. One failure of mine though: I was asked to read three submissions. One was barely readable and two I thought were quite good. None made it though. My work as an associate editor was a failure, although it could have worse--they could have published the one I thought stunk. Maybe I should just stick to writing....

Monday, December 24, 2012

Book Review of 'Santa's Christmas Eve Blues' by Douglas Lindsay on LURID-LIT NOW!!!

Destined to be a Christmas classic for a new age please see my review of Douglas Lindsay's 'SANTA'S CHRISTMAS EVE BLUES' from Blasted Heath publishing on LURID-LIT NOW!! Make it the start of a new Christmas tradition.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The End Of The World 2012

Well, here we are in the final moments of this planet. According to Mayan Calendar the end will be as crappy as the final moment of "The Sopranos". So to honor our demise I present today an original short story concerning the last man on earth. The last man on earth, while thise words are tied to Richard Matheson's work on film started as a 'knock story'. A Knock story is a two line story that tells the entire tale. In this case the story was published in 1949 as part of an anthology titled "The Best Science Fiction Stories: 1949" edited by Everett F. Bieler & T. E. Dikty and published by Frederick Fell. The story is this: The last man on earth sat in a room. There was a knock on the door... Innumerable writing contests and exercises have seized on that theme asking newbies and seasoned scribes alike to expand on it. Here is my version: The last man on Earth sat alone in a room, there was a knock at the door: one single knock. At first he thought it might be just the building settling, the door-jam adjusting or some air expansion in the pipes. He sits in his junk scavenged refuge – a fifteen by fifteen hell-hole of protection – scraping the last bits from a tin can. He always sits on the opposite side of the room, facing the door, so he cannot quite pinpoint the sound. It is morning. Another countless and dateless morning as the sun shines on the barren devastation and crumbling debris that was once a civilization. The rays of the sun, ever brighter as the clouds lift, spill through the windows and holes in the roof and walls giving the man the only bath he can ever hope to have. There is another knock. It is the door: this he is now sure. He is also sure about what has happened. He has been sure about that for months. The building he has taken refuge in from the radioactive rain, while better than most, is heavily damaged from the bombings and fallout. The knock is followed by another and another. The knocking persists with neither rhythm nor pattern, nor with any force - just simple knocking. Under the door, interrupting the light pouring in under the crack, he sees two distinct shadows cutting the single slender beam into three, smaller chunks, as though someone is standing there. And that someone is knocking. The last man on Earth holds his breath as the door handle jiggles. The visitor is attempting to enter. The handle shakes with a sense of urgency as the man remains glued to his chair. While he does have a knife he uses for food, he never thought he might need it for protection. Still holding his breath, something else begins to creep in from outside the door. Replacing the knocking and the rattling is a rasp – a sound less than a voice and even less than a word. “. . . ow.” “. . . ow.” ‘Maybe I’m not alone’, he thinks. ‘Maybe this is someone in trouble.’ “. . .ow.” ‘Maybe this is someone in pain.’ His mind begins to spin. ‘Ordinarily…but I only have enough rations for a few more days. So far, I’ve been able to avoid radiation poisoning, but if I open that door to help this man, I run the risk of exposing myself to whatever ails him. But what if it isn’t . . . I know I’m the only one left.’ Indecision can be the delicious teaser before the pain of doubt and remorse. The last man on Earth – exhausted, grieving, confused and guilty – prays to his God: a God he resents; a God who has allowed extinction to happen in a matter of seconds; a God who has allowed him, and only him, to face Hell without the strength of resolve or, seemingly, redemption. He attempts to play out scenarios rooted in sleepless speculation and grief, with options equating to dread. To let another man in need die is truly a sin, but what about the sin he finds himself in? His thoughts are jogged by a thump from the other side of the door. Initially there is silence. Then a low, guttural and choking moan – louder than the knock, louder than the rattle, louder than the rasp. This is the sound of pain. Underneath the door, poking through into his room is the blade of a knife. Blinded at first by sun on steel, he can see that the blade is more than three quarters under his door, it’s tip bent and flattened, gouging into the wood of the floor. It resembles the knife the man is clutching in his own right hand – from the curve of the blade to the serrations. The moaning grows louder and more desperate. The last man on Earth edges his way to the door. Never having used a knife before other than to eat a meal, he clutches it firmly in his right hand, blade pointed outward, in a way he believes will allow him to defend himself – or even strike first. Unlocking the door, the moans turn into howls of pain. Thanking God that the door opens inward, the man cautiously cranes his body, knife first and held high, around the latch. Before he can strike, before he can attack the invader, his breathing stops, his heart skips and his own knife drops to the floor. There before him lies a contorted, boil-covered, scab-encrusted, oozing mass of human flesh. It’s lips are deformed, it’s eyes are but slits, but the man can still recognize his own face, mirrored back at him in the blade of his knife. The last man on Earth sits alone in a room…

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

"SHOOTING STARS" is on Feathertale.com

My G-rated, children's. family poem about a UFO and the government titled "Shooting Stars" has just been published on Feathertale.com a Canadien humor magazine/e-zine. Nothing scary here, just humor. Check it out under poetry.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Saturday, December 15, 2012

YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD: A VAMPIRE ANTHOLOGY" IS OUT ON AMAZON NOW!!!

YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD: A VAMPIRE ANTHOLOGY" IS OUT ON AMAZON NOW!!! Published by Zombie Works Publication the paperback and e-book are both out on Amazon.com. My story WAKE UP is there; a good olde fashioned vampire biting tale.

The new URL for the new LURIDLIT is.....

www.lurid-lit.com. It's back.

LURIDLIT IS ALIVE AND WELL

Just heard from Chris and LURIDLIT WILL BE UP AND RUNNING AGAIN ON MONDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 14, 2012

Newtown, Connecticut Shooting

Nothing dramatic should be said. All the hyper analysis should be toned down. The fact of the matter is that there are evil people in the world who everyday kill, maim, and do worse to innocent people. Our Courts and our jails and our hospitals are full of them. Every time though, they seem to carry more rights than the average citizen and the victim. There was a time when these people weren't coddled and weren't allowed to impinge on the public but too many on the side of a bloody heart pushed and shamed and belittled our common sense into treating these souls as 'special'. I am sure in the days and weeks to come the warning signs were there. I am sure the said velvet glove treatment was present. What happened today was a tragedy but each day in this country these tragedies get re-played in movie theaters and malls; in streets and homes and in the end the media and many gather around the perp with a teary eye. We need to be harder on criminals not their instruments of destruction. We need to stop evil though we know it cannot be stopped. We need to stop treating everything as an illness as if it were cold. We need to take responsibility. We need to tell our children the facts of life: we are not special in and of ourselves but only as a community, as a good law abiding citizen that is responsible for his and her actions. I am sad tonight, and I am afraid I will be sad again yet tomorrow and the day after until we as a people deal with the real problem and deal with the real problem makers.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Book Review of "Circus of the Dead" On LURIDLIT Now!!!

Catch my review of Seth Blackburn's "Circus of the Dead" on Luridlit now. After all with the 21st approaching that may be hard to do when you are burning in the sun; and I don't mean a beach at a resort.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

"ONE NIGHT" To Be Published in NIGHT TO DAWN MAGAZINE

In the Fall 2013 issue. NIGHT TO DAWN MAGAZINE is a semi-annual horror magazine that searches for its tales world-wide. I am very honored to be included in such a prestiguous periodical.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Happy Birthday Jim Morrison

To a true poet and visionary, Happy Birthday. In this age of posers and rhymers, we miss your genius Jim. We truly miss your soul. Rest in Peace and Happy Birthday.

"YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD" to be published before Christmas!

Our publisher tells us that "YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD: A Vampire Anthology" will be published before Christmas, or that is the hope. Keep your fingers crossed. Whether it comes out pre-Christmas or even after- it will be out soon.

Have Any Books You Want Reviewed?

Maybe you are an author; or a writer who is part of an anthology; or a fan of an author; or better yet you just read something or want to read something and just want to catch the skinny...Well, maybe I am can help. If you have a book you want reviewed write me at hopingtosell@gmail.com and we will see what we can do.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

In Honor of the End of the World We Will Publish An Original Story

So the world is supposed to end on the 21st. The earth will fall out of orbit and roll into the sun. That, I have been told is the Mayan prediction. SO WHAT ARE RUSHING AROUND FOR THE HOLIDAYS FOR? Why aren't we calling in sick to work or taking our vacation days and living it up? I don't know. I just thought out of it. I also thought, why not celebrate the very demise of our species and the planet we use as a toilet by publishing a horror story? Instead of reading my insane ramblings on various subjects to bore your--why not read an insane story on this very topic--here and original? That is what we will do, before we die we'll read about how we died; here and live on the 21st. And if we live to the 22nd, send in your comments.

Galley Proof Out for "YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD"

Just received and reviewed it. Mr. Russo and Zombieworks will now be going to the printer and this book that includes my "Wake Up" should be on shelves and available for purchase very soon.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Contract just signed for Vampire Anthology

There is a big reason I am so happy about WAKE UP getting its due with inclusion in the Zombie Works Publications "You Can't Kill Me, I'm Already Dead: A Vampire Anthology". While you love all of your children the same, there always seems to be that one baby that just always seems to get a little more attention than the others. Maybe he is your favorite, something you don't want to admit openly around your othe children or maybe you feel he is the one that will really prove himself if given a chance but his options are limited. In this age where vampire stories double for romance stories and the schlock has replaced well written ideas--finally a story about horror and, yes love, albeit a sick twisted love, written below the surface, can finally get its opportunity to prove itself worthy in front of the reader. Thank you Alan Russo and everyone at Zombie Works Publications for this opportunity to return the vampire to his rightful and terrible place.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

More Magazines Dry Up

Well we had to pull stories out of two more magazines today because they are non-responsive or their emails just bounce back. Nothing has been updated in two months...so.............pull the stories out of dry dock. It is very frustrating to have stories tied up for mnonths only to have the publication dry up. But these are the signs of the times. Hey at least we git another anthology...

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Book Review of DARK HOLLOW Now on Luridlit!

My review of Brian Keene's "Dark Hollow", published by Deadite Press, and soon to be a movie is on Luridlit now.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

WAKE UP to be published in Anthology!!!

We are happy to announce that WAKE UP, my good olde fashioned vampire story of terror not glamour will be one of thirteen storiesd accepted for publication in Zombie Works Publications' YOU CAN'T KILL ME, I'M ALREADY DEAD: A VAMPIRE ANTHOLOGY.More details to follow.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Barnes and Noble Is Not Friendly To Writers

Clearly not as much as Amazon.com is. It was as if I was pulling a large, cracked and bleeding molar before Barnes and Noble would even look in my direction. What I wanted to do was what I had already did do on Amazon. What I thought Barnes and Noble possessed was what was already held by Amazon. And that is an author's page from which to promote a book. Amazon couldn't be nicer and easier to me and for all writers; novice and established, treating both with dignity in the collective pursuit of selling books. But if you wish to promote your book on Barnes and Noble, the small press department imposes requirements only a manic depressive accountant and a medieval torturer would love. Bottomline: It is a rigged game in favor of established publishing houses and their writers. Upstart publishing houses and new writers cannot possibly comply, unless they self-publish and do so through Barnes and Noble. The six week review process alone cripples them. Think about that when you purchase a new book and think about, in the end, who you are helping and quelling. For my money it more adventurous to travel to the Amazon.

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Apocalypse As I Live and Watch

I write this as I watch The BBC's magnificient TOP GEAR Apocalypse Special. If you ever wonder what will happen to motoring and motor sport in the zombie infested nuclear winter that has killed us all--this is your primer. But I am happy to announce that I actually picked up a small editing gig. Not only will I have a story coming out next month in the Surreal Grotesque Apocalypse issue; I edited or read three submissions and made recommendations. I have to say I am enjoying working behind the scenes as well. This editing thing may lead to something....well it will will next Halloween, more to come on that.

If Anything Happens To My Wife I Can Always Cruise On Efiction

In an earlier post I described my puzzlement concerning Efiction's submissions process and policies. I have also consulted with a copyright attorney and well if my story does pop up somewhere---we are ready. Anyway, I have making posts and asking questions and as it seems I am invisible these dayshave heard nothing until tonight. I recieved an email from someone purporting to be a groupie of sorts from India proposing something that may interest General Petraeus. I was skeptical before. I am now concerned. Writers listen up---look long and har---wrong words. Look carefully where you submit. Even if all is innocent, these kind of breaches through hacking is troublesome.

I guess Nature forgot to call.......

Does that mean I am constipa----hey hey hey. Cut out the bathroom humor. All that toilet tales must be going to my head. (Insert rim shot here.) Back in June we submitted a short story titled 'Nature's Calling' to a horror/mystery/fantasy ezine know as "Blood and Lullabies". I do like that title. The story has to do with a man returning home from work to find his doppelganger there in his place, one step ahead of him taking over his life and wife. It is a tale utilizing the allegory of passages that we enter through in our lives as we, hopefully evolve and change with the times. Well, the story was submitted in June. An editor got back to me stating that they would hold my story if I so consent, because of production reasons they couldn't do anything until November. I was to query back November 1st. Did you hear anything? Several emails later I see the website shows no change. Being the monolithic slug brain I am I check Facebook only to see that a new issue was launched and if it was missed to write the editor for a copy. Did you receive yours? Well I sent an email that I know will be ignored telling them my story sailed. It will find a home in due course, although I hope my emails are discovered first. For all I know is published bt maybe it is so in that other dimension with my doppelganger. I'll check his blog at widewideawakesawakesreduxredux.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

My Ghost Stories on Saugus.Net

I haven't publicized these as much as my ezine and print appearances but you can find two funny/satirical ghost stories of mine at the Saugus.net Ghost Story contest site. In 2011 we placed third under the Adult category with "A Visit" and this passed 2012 contest we finished second with "The Death Knell" a satiric look at writing, at ghost and horror stories, death, yes death and even Edgar Allan Poe himself. Stop by...more news to come about Saugus and their long running and world renown juried contest. Stay tuned....

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I Have My TALES FOR THE TOILET....

My contributor's paperback copy of TALES FOR THE TOILET (I love that title and all the dignity it brings, not to mention we want to scare the sh#$ right out of you) arrived today from just over the pond from CROWDED QUARANTINE PRESS. FLIGHT 377 is there and ready for its ill fated flight for the ages. AVAILABLE NOW AT AMAZON.COM AND BARNES AND NOBLE. Take a seat and a read....

The Experiment Is Over I Have Pulled The Plug

Okay I tried the Efiction workshop for horror. If you remember we were told a story of mine titled JUST ANOTHER GHOST STORY was ready, or just about ready, for publication but it had to go through 'the workshop'. We submitted the story eight days ago and there were no comments. In fact there was little activity in any of the workshops; some over a month. I know things are slowing down; but my ADHDMOUSE and type AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA personality just wants to move my stories to publication. In short not a good fit and I pulled the plug. I just pray Efiction isn't just short of pulling the plug for lack of activity. We wish them well.

Santa Barack is Coming: WE THE PEOPLE not a political post but a post concerning copyrights

So in the wake of the election where getting stuff means more than Country, The White House has opened a site titled WE THE PEOPLE where anyone can write their own want list to the President. Gather up 25,000 signatures and The White House, since it has nothing better to do like put people back to work, solve the debt crisis or deal with China's invasion of Japan, or Israel being bombed every ten second, can attempt to fufill your Christmas wish everyday. One of the first is the Twinkie where people have called for a government takeover of Hostess---damn pressing issue. But another caught my eye which is gaining support. This a call to limit copyright protection om the net and in print. In other words, artists should not have copyright protection because 'they can make money in other ways'; and to arrest people who illegally violate copyright laws 'would be an invasion of privacy'. So everything should be free for me a talentless, intellectually lacking bum so I can sample or outright steal the product so I CAN make money on it as I claim it for my own. And if I should break the law an arrest is an invasion of privacy? Does that also apply to murder? Welcome to the future of the United States-- Land of Free Stuff and Home of the Lazy. This is not a political statement: property rights are under assault. Those who don't have or even lack the talent to have feel everything should be given them. The oresent administration to remain in power will placate them. Whine and it shall be yours. But to us writers who contribute to the culture of this great nation, be damned. This proposed peace of legislation is so poorly written you can tell what kind of talentless hack wrote it. I would reproduce it here but the administration who claims they are for preserving the free exchange of ideas and have no copyright on these tomes will not allow it to copied and reproduced. Comrades, once we lose our art we lose our soul. To the talentless, to the hacks, to the people whose only creative act is to hold out their hands and demand: history is full of socialist, facist and communist movements such as this; movements seeking the free exchange of ideas for the good of the collective at the expense of the creator. We have beaten these movements before and we will beat them again. If these individuals could only read history they would see, but then again that would require work and that is something this movement seeks at every cost to avoid. Freedom is never free.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

One of the Best Movie Lines EVER!!!

Tonight serenading me at dinner was the Sci Fi Channel's 2012 filmed film "Rise of the Zombies". This particular apocalyptic romp stars LeVar Burton, Danny Trejo and Mariel Hemingway. Basically this is 'The Walking Dead' but on Alcatraz. Wait; zombies and prison---naw, nothing similar. The Daily News of New York gave it high marks. The Daily News is also good at wrapping fish. Anyway, just before part of the group, led by Mariel Hemingway, and note the irony in her name and lineage, is about to leave the besieged island and prison by zombies swimming over from San Fran Danny Trejo utters the most memorable line in this piece of cine and possibly one of the greatest lines in the history: 'We just sitting like sitting ducks." And I fancy myself a wordsmith? I think thunk thank not!

Cheap Milestones

Hey this our 200th post! Please wait while the balloons and confetti lightly fall to the earth and the sounds of the kazoos fade into the background of time. Wait. Wait. Wait. Not yet. Wait for it. OKAY. I could end the post here and make sort of a Euro-hipster-psuedo-intellectual statement about milestones but I won't. I am a fat, loud mouthed American and I have to say something. Okay. A number of writers have taken Ray Bradbury's formula to enth degree and I fear that as writers we are losing the trees in the woods. Some of the things Ray always said, and I paraphrase; if you get rejected send it back out; get a submission out every couple of days to achieve a publication a week, etc. Well life interferes. The last couple of months I have done a lot less writing because of busy work at work; family emergencies; a hurricane; a nor'easter, etc. And life should interfere. A writer told me recently that she was beside herself because she was 8.2 stories down this month and on Halloween she was pulling an allnighter to get back to level. Wow. Really. It's great to be published and its great to have stories out there to be published--- and leave finances out of this ---but can we all just look at our quality rather than our quantity? Are we really happy with the piece we just sent out because it is well written or a fine experimental piece that brings up satisfaction or are we just filling some arbitrary milestone, some statistic, some quota. Sure a well written piece of literature is the same as a well written piece of music and a proper mathmatical formula. Each possesses a symmetry and a cadence and a flow; there is a tightness and aire of correctness and certitude. Can we all strive for that rather than hack a chunk of our intellect off? Ray Bradbury could play in the ballpark of numbers--he had that talent--most o us don't and need to approach our game with more care.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

NEW REVIEW POSTED ON LURIDLIT.COM NOW!!!

My review of the independent book "HORROR D'OURVES" by Lisa McCourt Hollar is posted on Luridlit.com now. Catch my review of small bite horror and find out whether I asked for more or had indigestion.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Time For An Experiment

I am now being told, as publishers die off, that the future is in writing labs or workshops as precursor befor publishing. This is sort of a focus group approach to publishing thus taking the editor off the hook for decisions that might be too controversial or questionable. Here a writer will submit a work to the 'collective' of other writers in the shop will review the piece and offer suggestions to the writer as to how to shape the work for publication. Once the story has been workshopped the editor will review the piece and comments and the revised piece and make a final decision. I understand the commercial use of this but am concerned about how a writer makes a name for him/herself by writing a daring tome. Well, I have decided to approach this process with one of my new stories and here we will report the results. More to come.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

SNOW BABIES to be in SURREAL GROTESQUE DECEMBER 2012

We are happy to announce that my take on the apocalypse in a short story titled SNOW BABY will be published in the December issue of SURREAL GROTESQUE. I do have to warn readers in advance: this is horror, pure and simple not the PG rated "scary story" kind or the romanticized kind that is sweeping the nation. It is also not bloody or gory--it also does not involve zombies--this is an original take an old school horror story and will have disturbing images; hey that is what makes it so effective. SNOW BABY will be out in December and we will have more information here, the December issue of SURREAL GROTESQUE and at josephjpatchen.weebly.com.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

PANSTERS UNITE!!!!!!!

A wonderful article on writing and the creative process can be found at ElizabethAWhite.com written by one of our favorites Anonymous-9. What is heartening to me is that I now know that I am not the only one ignored by family and vilified by some for the content of my stories AND that my method of writing is the same as A-9s and we are part of a larger group called 'pansters'. Let's start there. A 'panster' is a writer who works without an outline, whose inspriration hits and that writer may right the end or the middle first. These, or I should say, we are writers who work in the truest sense of having a muse whisper in our ears and in our dreams. I am honored to be in a club with A-9 on that. As for the first car in my train of thought; several writers have chimed in that at times we have lost friends and family because of the content of our stories. For some reason, some people take what we do too literally and seriously while we try our best to be creative and entertaining. Please stop by the website and read the article it is marvelous insight into the creative process and the mechanics of literature. Also check it out for marvelous book reviews as well.

SCARY

When did the term 'horror' become dirty? I am finding more and more that publishers, especially new and young publishers, steer away from the word 'horror' in favor of 'scary'. I don't know 'scary' seems to me to be a bit of a childish word. If the aim of these publishers is to water down content I wouldn't be surprised. It is the nature and has been the nature of all entertainment in this country to be watered down. In sports we talk about parity, which is a synonym for mediocrity; in music we talk about 'pop' which really equates to homogenized and modulated crap. I know many adults have complained to me that they cannot read some of my stuff because it scares them....Well isn't that the idea? And while I do write satire/comedy -- stick with that; if your senses are too fragile don't read the horror. I am just afraid we are going down the road to 'babyness'. Look Chris Christie cried when he met Bruce Springsteen. Really? I met and spent time with Jerry Lee Lewis. The Killer is certainly more influential and important to the fabric of Rock and Roll. I didn't cry. Heck, Jerry Lee would have kicked my ass. SO where are we headed? Will "The Tell Tale Heart" become "The Tell Tale Tennis Elbow" with a guy getting a twitch every time someone mentions the trophy he won? Will "Incident At Owl Creek Bridge" become "It Happened At The Mall". This also comes on the heels of so many prohibitions issued by these publishers--no graphic violence; no vampires; no this; no that...Come on can we just get back to good old kick butt horro and fear. And if you are too sensitive to read it---then don't; sit down with the Governor of New Jersey and watch the Hallmark Channel.

Boutique Project

We are looking for inclusion in a rather small anthology run. When I say small I mean small. This will be a handwritten story in a journal that includes a story with local flavor with a local souvenir scotch taped to the last page of the story. This handwritten journal will then be mailed from writer to writer until it filled. This project is the idea of 'Literary Orphans' and is a fascinating and an appealing project. Why you ask? Why would you want to take the time to do something that is so limited? One reason is the challenge of capturing my local area in an engrossing tale. The other reason being, it is art for art's sake. My writing is generally not audience aimed. I write from nightmares. Unlike many my aim is firstly not sales, but art and legacy. Foolish? Yes. I mean I could try to be a hack like most but I couldn't sleep at night giving birth to offspring resembling a lot of the crap I see on the best seller's list and juggled in the hands of those coffee suckers at Branes and Noble. We will see if the project comes off, if I am included, and if I have been run out of town with coffee stains on the back of my head.

More publishers dead CORPSES DON'T BLEED

As forecasted, in the wake of the election several more publishers bite the dust including the publisher of my book--CORPSES DON'T BLEED. If anyone is interested in this book, you can still go Amazon.com or contact me and I will arrange for a copy for you. Thanks.

Hey we did some editing....

Helping with an upcoming issue of Surreal Grotesque reviewing some stories for inclusion. I have to thank Daniel Gonzales for the opportunity. I enjoyed it immensly. I have always wanted to add this facet to my resume per se. I had applied for an editors position with a horror ezine a few months ago, but never heard back; queried two more times but never heard back. The assumption is obviously they don't want you, but courtesy being what it is you would hope they would at least tell you. I read three pieces, recommended two and we will see how it goes.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

FLIGHT 377 has landed today in paperback.

"FLIGHT 377" has landed today in paperback. The anthology, by Crowded Quarantine Press, from the UK, has a great title, TALES FOR THE TOILET is in paperback. I just received mine and again I am honored to be here with great writers and stories. Page 91 has the ill fated flight.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Shopping at Barnes and Noble Not Again....

I have been buying my books lately through used bookstores, Amazon.com and eBay. The reason is there is very little new that I find appealing (my Luridlit.com gig aside). When I choose a book for myself I to want to go back in time and study whence we came. But I felt pinings and yesterday decided to visit my local Barnes and Noble. So when did they stop selling books? Between the cafe and toy sections, one quarter of the establishment is set aside for letters. This is probably a good thing since the store stunk to heaven of coffee and pastry. Just what I want in a crisp new book the aroma of food laden in its pages and binding. It is somewhat fitting that all those diet books they sell would also carry the scent. So why not start a danish diet. You will have a hankering by page 14. I also didn't realize there was a dress code. I wonder how I broke past security? I wasn't wearing a tweedy winter jacket, a non-descript blank brown baseball cap and a scarf. I wasn't wearing jeans and some hybrid between a sandal and a sneaker with fuzzy sox. I didn't hold a paper coffee cup in my left hand and had the dexterity to text in my right while I read books cover to cover. What is the point? In the twenty minutes I was there. I saw no one purchase a book. I saw a mob of people dog ear books, smudge books, and leave their empty coffee cups on top of books or stuffed in between them on shelves. After seeing this over and over I came to the conclusion that if I want smells and munge all over my reading material it would just be cheaper to have my dogs do it to my books at home. Needless to say I didn't make a purchase. Granted this is only a small portion of an hour at one store in Milford Connecticut but enough to keep me away.

THE DEAD HAVE AWOKEN A REVIEW

Somewhat. Sunday's episode of "The Walking Dead" was better; although I did not see T-Dog being killed off, I was suprised Lori met with her end so soon. I was expecting her to meet her maker in the next three episodes. My wife will continue to watch, I am still sticking with football.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

The Paperback Version of 'TALES FROM THE TOILET' is out

The horror anthology and paperback version of 'TALES FROM THE TOILET' is out. Both Amazon and Barnes and Noble are carrying both the Kindle and now the paperback versions. Priced at $15.99 for the paperback it makes for good reading, especially page 91.

Horror's Newest Flavor of the Month Heaven Help Us All PART TWO

I think I may have broken a rib but let us continue... So, what is more horrifying than one serial killer. My God that is obvious---it must be two or more serial killers. True. But take it a step farther, what is even more horrifying than more than one serial killer---my God that is it!!!! EUREKA---A family of serial killers. Yes, that is right: A Daddy, a Mommy and even 2.5 children--okay 2 children serial killers. I bet their dog even gives rabies. This plot line was first introduced in 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' chain of movies from 1974. The X-Files, even Jason and his mother, and various novels and short story plot lines have followed. Last season, an episode of 'Luther' chillingly showcased two twin serial killers. This episode more than any other I have mentioned was, yes brilliant and terrifying in its random portrayal, but the majority are---Really? What is happening to this trope as with the prior themes; it is losing all of the character, the history, the sense of terror, the footsteps in the here and now. This trope by extending to an evil family set denies the characters of their twisted intellect and urges. It becomes a cartoon. Think 'Munsters' and 'Addams Family'. Intellectually we know there are no vampires. We know there are no werewolves so whatever damage was done to these tropes big deal we live with it and in a century or so they will rebound when the vehicles that destoyed them fade into their inevitable obscurity. But we do know there are serial killers out there. Families are more likely to kill each other than group together and kill as a matter of urge or sport. To turn this into an edge Addams Family or The Munsters or some stylized cartoon further numbs our sense of reality. No, this is not about rehashing Tipper Gore's idiocy about record labels'; or pushing bad data about horror stories, movies, television and the creating of murderers. This about the cartoonization and trivialization of this trope. How many horror writers out there have ever met a serial killer, let alone a cold blooded killer? How many understand the nature of these inviduals and their crimes? The old nurture versus nature arguement, you know. Few to none I believe. How many have sat in a maximum security prison across from someone who believes that murder and dismemberment equate with shopping? I thought so. When we write we need to suspend reality. True. But the only way this suspension truly works is if the writing holds onto something real and the suspension is still rooted in day to day life. The problem is this latest trope is simply piling words upon words like potato chips in a bowl, blood here, blood there, a limb here, a limb there with a brag about what the killer is about to do. It's the comics all over again. While these stories, in the short term, look tasty, once eaten they will leave your stomach in an ache and wanting for more. I don't want to be flavor of the month. I want my stories to live beyond me and the next post. To that end this year we have made great strides. I want my stories to be read by someone a hundred years from now and I want that future reader to squirm in his or her chair and not look upon my tale as some greasy yet popular potato chip of the day. Can we derail this trope now before it becomes even more comedic and limiting?

Horror's Newest Flavor of the Month Heaven Help Us All PART ONE

After the Vampire trope was trashed and destoyed several years ago for the next century, writers and producers took aim at the zombie trope and today I can report the same Sherman-like surgery and wake of destruction has taken place. Notably, the new season of AMC's "The Meandering Dud" or "The Walking Dead" continues to bore. Even using electrodes and battery shocks my brain cannot be stimulated by the overworked plot and kitchen sink approach. I have gotten to the point of humming "A three hour tour" each and every time the programs comes on. For God's sake, we can how the epidemic zombie rampage has come about but no one can tell me why every lawn is meticuously kept month and months after the apocalypse. Magazines and ezines are now backing away from zombie apocalypse story lines admitting they have played out. DING DONG -- WHO IS IT? THREE YEARS AGO. For a time there was confusion around the globe. What will us poor writers do? What can we turn to? What can we write about? Do we have to retreat to greeting cards to satisy our creative lust? Well since imagination is hardly promoted or sought in the arts we need to find the next best thing scientifically. We need to take our giant brains and apply the scientific method in order to develop the next horrific scream maker. But how can we do that you ask? How can we find something something interesting and more horrific that will satisfy a reader's curiosity and allow our immense talents to manipulate language better than any, and here is an oxymoron, skilled attorney, to delight and enthrall the public? What abour werewolves? No can't use them. They were collateral damage in one of those series that destroyed the vampire. What about werewolves in speedoes? See above. What taking history and a historic figure and merging it with horror? Yeah, great idea why don't you have Lincoln hunt vampires-----oh yeah that went well. What about the Devil? What about Satan? No, we must stay politically correct and we do not want to offend Atheists or Christians and what would the President and Islam think? No, we must find something that will appeal to all generations and all faiths and all political and socio-economic sensabilities. We need to get back to basics. We need to find the true base-line; the underying theme that unites us all. MURDER. Yes, murder. And what is more horrifying than than one murder? More than one murder. What about serial killing? Well that hasn't played itself out. Short pause for immense laughter from the writer of this blog.) Part Two coming after I finish laughing.

No Thank You Frito Lay I Will Boycott Your Products

It appears that the chip giant has taken no action against its' spokesperson Eva Longoria and her jokes concerning rape. This is most disappointing. And in the wake of her insult laden rant again Mitt Romney one can only draw the conculsion that this corporation takes such statements as flippantly as their customer service and agents have treated them. For individuals who wish to promote the protection of women jokes about rape should not a basis from which to start. This goes beyond the election and beyond politics. The civil discourse that the left wishes to promote only exists on their terms. If you express disagreement, even in those exact words, you are not civil and images of hate, of rape are allowed to be thrown against you; denigration of others who disagree is seen as a way of expressing civility only against those who disagree. This is not only sad, it is pathetic and small minded. And for that matter we don't need Frito Lay calories in our home anyway.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

THE DEATH KNELL finishes 2nd in Saugus

My story "The Death Knell" now appears on the Saugus.net website as a second place finisher in the 2012 Ghost Story Contest. Last year I placed third so not bad my first two times out.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

We Placed Second in the Saugus.Net Ghost Story Contest!!!

Last year we placed third in the 14th annual Saugus.Net Ghost Story contest; Adult category. This year I am happy to say we finished second in the 15th Annual Contest with a satirical look at municipal building regulations and boards and The Grim Reaper in a story titled: THE DEATH KNELL. Nothing gory here, just comedy. We are happy with the finish. My best to the first and third place finishers in the adult category and my best to the judges who completed their decisions despite having to deal with the damage and power outages wrought by the true monster of this years Halloween--Sandy. The story is posted on Saugus.net under Adult and will be posted shortly on josephjpatchen.weebly.com. Congratulations too to the elementary school, middle school and high school winners as well. Happy Halloween!!!

Happy Halloween

Of course we here have to wish all of you a Happy Halloween. This year is a haggard and tired Halloween for obvious reasons. I pray all of you are safe and I pray that the most overlooked comforts of life return soon.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

As We Wait On Hurricane Sandy

That is for the monster known as Sandy, we clean our desk to help us compartmentalize understanding that the demons that dance in our imagine are not as powerful and horrific as those who actually walk among us. Hurrican Sandy is a force of nature that simply cannot be defeated. She can only be respected and feared. We cannot strike back against her assault only accept it. Our fear and feeling of dread is heightened so we wait and work on cleaning our desk... And when you come across the story of a New York City Police Officer who plotted to kill and eat up to one hundred women the shudder you feel rattles your spine. People disappear everyday. Bodies are found. The monsters are truly out there and while we have fun this Halloween with our candy and costumes and movies and with our tales of terror the monsters are truly out there...be safe everybody.

"THE DARK ONES" reviewed on LURIDLIT Now!!!!

I was supposed to publish this review on Halloween but thanks to the real monster Hurrican Sandy we publish early while we still have wifi and electric.... This novel was penned by Bryan Smith. If you recall we loved his "Rock and Roll Reform School Zombies". Both published by Deadite Press. Please give it a read, as with all my columns on Luridlit.com. Thank you.

Friday, October 26, 2012

We May Be Down: A Rant About The Weather Channel

I am not making light of the 'unprecedented storm' that is bearing down on us--in the New York tri-state, but enough Weather Channel. You guys had me so ramped up last night I signed a will, built my coffin and set up a pyre in the backyard. Enough! We understand the severity of this storm but harping and harping and harping when we aren't sure where it is going to make landfall gives the appearance that your editorial policy of the station (and Network NBC) will be disappointed if Sandy misses the most populated area. Please just report facts as our local weather coverage is doing; most noticeably Channel 12 Connecticut whose coverage is calm, informative, intelligent and stellar. So cut it out Weather Channel please. So, we may be down for a while depending on how our infrastructure and utilities fare. I'll see everybody post-storm. Stay dry and stay safe.

HARD BITE: THE NOVEL Thank you Blasted Heath

It is great to be quoted and great to be there as the announcement for this wonderful and gritty book is published. We were quoted in the announcement! I am honored. By the way, buy "Hard Bite The Novel". I cannot recommend it enough.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

josephjpatchen.weebly.com has been updated

Stop by there. We have just updated it for month of October. You'll find new stories, book reviews and an article or two.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Please sign up for my course....

It is official we will be offered as a Creative Writing Course for Milford Adult Education in the Spring. So please. Please. Please sign up so I can actually teach the course. It will be fun. In all seriousness. I look forward to talking writing and working together to get new people published.

Anonymous-9 and Blasted Heath's HARD BITE THE NOVEL Contest

Hey readers go to Blasted Heath, the publisher of "Hard Bite The Novel" for a chance to win a Kindle Paperwhite and enter a unique photo contest with the ever lovable Sid. If the link doesn't click, cut and paste on your browser or go straight to Blasted Health for all the details. Good Luck and Have Fun. Here is the contest link: http://blastedheath.com/?p=742 This is courtesy of Blasted Heath and Anonymous-9's amazing "Hard Bite The Novel". I posted this same content on Luridlit.

Monday, October 22, 2012

"The Meandering Dead" A REVIEW

This will be my last statement on "The Walking Dead" for now. I realize I am in a minority as there is so much twitter and internet buzz over this new season; but I have to say episode two did little to dissuade my disappointment. Still no Governor, no Merle, no Michonne, and no Andrea. Personally, I am not happy with the writing, the continuity holes, the conflicting treatment of characters, etc. This story is meandering for me and I don't know if I will stick around for episode three. Just a little rhyme, nothing witty to say; it must be the b-o-r-e-d-o-m. Maybe I am just zombied out. Just like the vampire as a concept was overplayed and bastardized so walk the dead.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Inspiration.....?

Just the other day an editor asked me just what inspires you to write what you write. A friend of mine described my writing as 'one sick mother f@#$%^. Inspiration? I have no inspiration. I have no design. When I write I cannot plot anything out or outline an idea. Inspiration thy name is sleep; as I have always said -- I write straight out of my nightmares. For those who might care.

Pay For Play Magazines and Ezines

A trend is beginning where for one to publish, you have to pay. Perhaps its the economic times; perhaps its the new model of short story publishing. With pay as scant, at times, as it is for a fiction writer I cannot believe these sites will have a long shelf life.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

FX's AMERICAN HORROR STORY--A REVIEW

Last night the newest story arc for American Horror Story: Asylum premiered on FX. Returning is Jessica Lange and added to the cast is James Cromwell. The presence of these actors is enough to peak my interest. However, was it me or did the script meander, pander and become a billboard for a cliche? Were the horrors introduced a yawn and just a re-hash of "Hostel"? I was greatly disappointed in this premiere and only hope the story does justice to these actors. I give it one more shot.

It Just Doesn't Do It For Me....

This is an up and coming new standard rejection from editors. I recently received one and other writers have reported the same reply. I think this is perhaps the most honest rejection one can ever receive from an editor because isn't it always about the editors gut? And after the editor, like a director, has the overall vision for the larger piece. And writing and publishing is all about fit in the end. One editor's rejection is another writer chance at a greater market that opens later. We have all had those.

Longer Works.....

Work and life have intervened and we are not writing as much as we would like or should be. The commitment here going forward is longer works and in fact looking into book proposals. So if we slow down, we haven't stopped; we are just looking to create more.

josephjpatchen.weebly.com

If you have been there and it appears nothing is happening, well we just haven't update it. We will soon...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Book Review of HARDBITE: THE NOVEL on LURIDLIT NOW!!!!

The long awaited release of HARD BITE THE NOVEL is at hand. Anonymous-9's book as published by Blasted Heath will be on shelves October 25th. Get an advanced look at this much awaited novelization of the sensation that is Anonymous-9 right now; right this minute ON LURIDLIT NOW!!

Thank you Frito Lay for not thinking Eva Longoria's rape joke is funny

Thank you Frito Lay for contacting me on the phone today to clarify that Eva Longoria's tweeted rape joke was not funny. For those who did not hear, Ms. Longoria tweeted and retweeted her assertion that essentially Joe Biden made Paul Ryan 'his prison B----'. That the debate amounted to a 'prison rape LOL.' When I first contacted the corporation who has launched a huge ad campaign with the star of 'Desperate Housewives' I was told rather flippantly that her political philosophy was no business of Lay's. True I agree; but anyone who thinks rape is a joke, that is my problem. Eva Longoria spoke at the Dem Convention and she is on record as a person who agrees with Barack Obama's'war on women'. She thinks rape is a joke? But thank you Frito Lay for telephoning me today to say they are taking this issue seriously. Let's see what they do and let's contact Loreal, another of Ms. Longoria's sponsors, next.

I am writing this post....THIS IS A TEST, ONLY A TEST

to see if Candy Crowley will interrupt me 28 times and insert false information in between. I guess not. A book review will posted today!!! THIS IS A TEST ONLY A TEST.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Issue 6 of SURREAL GROTESQUE OUT NOW!!!

This is the Halloween Issue! Issue 6 of SURREAL GROTESQUE is out. I have two appearances in this issue dedicated to Urban Legends. My short story "Diminishing Sight" (a Halloween story) and my article on the television series THE WALKING DEAD also appears. Give it a read if you dare---the artwork alone is worth it. That and my story and article too. This article was written well before the season premiere of The Walking Dead that I dubbed last night as The Walking Dud. Read the article, and my story, and you will see why I posted last night as I did.

TALES FOR THE TOILET Paperback version....

No jokes, while the Kindle version is available now the paperback version will hit the AMAZON.COM AND BARNES AND NOBLE shelves November 5th.

THANK YOU GOOGLE BLOGGER

The pageview count is back!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

WHY DID GOOGLE BLOGGER ERASE ALL MY PAGE VIEWS?

WHY?

"The Walking Dud" Season Opener A REVIEW

With a grand build up and a double marathon lead-in Season 3 of "The Walking Dead" premiered on AMC just a few mere moments ago. AMC must be so proud of this episode because, as of this writing they are re-running it prior to the season opener of "Talking Dead". I don't know what they will be talking about but I am just about done mumbling my disappointment. With all the build up of a hurricance/blizzard for the ages all I felt when this baby hit the shore was a mild breeze. Where was the governor? Why was Michonne limited to a handful of non sequitar minutes? This franchise played up the entry of these new characters but I guess that was a tease to get me to episode two. I feel cheated. I feel used. For the episode that did air, the prison battle went about as expected but the twists served up the writers left more questions than wide-eyed shock. For example, for such a tactician why didn't Rick leave his medical man, Herschel, behind to look after his pregnant wife. Why was it so essential that he part of this away team? Maybe he watched too much classic Star Trek. And if there are a group of living breathing prisoners essentially hiding from the flesh eating zoimbies--why weren't these zombies hanging out near them. Maybe time will tell next week or in Season Four.

Thank You NAUGATUCK HISTORICAL SOCIETY

Thank You NAUGATUCK HISTORICAL SOCIETY, for their hospitality and allowing me to present my Halloween Program of Civil Folklore and Civil War Ghost Stories at their Annual Luncheon this afternoon. The setlist of original stories presented include: OF THE FLESH, COUNTRY GIRL, INVENTION, TRINKETS, and RIDE. Trinkets can still be found on "Flashes In The Dark". Links to be found on josephjpatchen.weebly.com. I appreciate the nice lunch and discussions afterward. Happy Halloween to the Naugatuck Historical Society! Thank you.

Friday, October 12, 2012

DUST BUNNY is on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

My flash fiction horror story, "Dust Bunny" has been published on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. There is even a nice review in the comments about it. Stop by and give it a read.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Nobel Prize For Literature

Congratulations to Mo Yan for his achievement. But it is curious that the descriptions of brutality to innocents and animals, extremely graphic, are embraced by the elite while splatterpunk horror is derided as garbage by these same critics and scholars. While I understand he is recounting history, this is something we are all of. Honestly, maybe it's the transalation but I do not find the prose all that special. Again, I think the Nobel Committee was looking to make a political statement. And for those of you who believe this appraisal to be sourgrapes. First, my writing doesn't fit the perameters of the prize. Second, ever since Arafat won a peace prize; and a few other questionable prizes have been awarded since; I view the Nobels to be in line with the Oscars and the Grammys. My record on those two is very clear. Congratulations nonetheless I have read and come away scratching my head.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

RIP Alex Karras

Before there was Mongo or Webster, there was Alex Karras the football player. A man who, while making the all decade team for the 1960s, should be enshrined in Canton. Rest in Peace to Alex Karras.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

"Dust Bunny" To Be Published

This month on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. Thank you Emily. Details and publication date to follow. "Dust Bunny" is a very short bedtime tale about just what lies under a monster's bed.

Monday, October 8, 2012

We were remiss...

in not marking the death of Edgar Allan Poe yesterday. Ironic that work and life got in the way. This is the 163rd anniversary of Mr. Poe's death from what apparently is now being reported as rabies. Whatever the cause we salute the man many of us owe so much too.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

TALES FOR THE TOILET KINDLE EDITION IS ON AMAZON

I have just been told and I am on page 91. The paperbacks are on their way.

TALES FOR THE TOILET Due Out Tomorrow

October 8th it hits the shelves. I have a photo up on my facebook page. In it is the saga of "Flight 377." It will be available at Amazon.com in print and kindle. I believe Barnes and Noble will have it too.

Boy everything is slow...

I notice it more this year than last. Things are slow, not only in our economy but in the sub-section of horror publishing as well. Well it is part of the economy. Magazines are going belly up and anthologies are being cancelled. Editors are taking longer to respond and it is merely a trickle down from the overall mess our lives are in. Hopefully within a month things will get better with the promise that help is on the way rather than the status quo. I know some sites and magazines are concerned about the status quo and their possible revisit of Senate Democrat Harry Reid's legislation that would regulate the internet so drastically and empower The Department of Justice so much that the demise of this genre for most of us would most certainly be. I hate to get political but we are talking about writing and despite his claims, the Reid legislation last spring threatened virtually every non-party aligned site and blog. Thank God even some members of his own party came to their senses.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Book Review Posted on Luridlit NOW!!!

James Hutchings "Two-Fisted Tweets" gets my look on this installment of Luridlit.com. These are horror, sleaze, and science fiction tales told in a simple tweet. Forty of them in all. Take a peek or give a tweet.

Monday, October 1, 2012

The Micro Award

It is that time of year. The invitations have filled our inboxes for this years' awards for those under 1,000 word stories published on the net as opposed to paper. Since I was so new to this process last year I submitted the first story I published. Hey, after all I gave up writing years ago to toil like an idiot in the practice of law. This year however, I am going to give it a lot more thought. And while I doubt I will win, as horror stories never win; I think we'll send a humorous one and make a better and more entertaining showing this time around.

HARD BITE THE NOVEL

Anonymous-9 was gracious to send me an advanced copy of the most buzzed about novel on the net. "HARD BITE THE NOVEL" will be reviewed on Luridlit on the 17th just before its release on October 25th. For those who have read my review of her collection of short stories that are the basis for this volume; I am as excited as you are to see just how these characters fare in a longer format. So this is the teaser....stay tuned.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

My Autopsy is now in print

My Autopsy is now in print on page 43 of Haunted Waters Press' Fall Edition of "FROM THE DEPTHS" as published today. You can find it on their site for internet reading; print TBA.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Happy Birthday KILLER

I just want to wish a Happy Birthday to my musical idol; a man who shows us all what to do when life has dumped all the crap it can on you and yet he rises from the ashes like the phoenix to be better than before. I just want to wish a man who was so nice to me and showed me some piano tips when I was a stupid kid sneeking back stage; not to mention he introduced me to his band and his daughter, treating me like a friend. Happy Birthday to the one and the only KILLER, MR. JERRY LEE LEWIS.

Well this is positive....

We may have something shortly in '69 Flavors of Paranoia'. They are looking for a couple of lines to be added to "I Should Have Stayed There." I am happy they like the straight and simple apocalyptic concept; one without stumbling zombies or hungry vampires; just the end. We'll keep the fingers crossed.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

THE MEETING in Insomnia Press delayed one month

Publication of my short story THE MEETING has been pushed back from November to December. Issue #3 of Insomnia Press' collection titled AS I LIE DYING has been delayed due to issue #2's delay in appearing in print. It will be worth the wait.

Coming This Spring....

This is a warning. Coming this spring; just as the earth thaws from the winter and plants and flowers struggle to reach the sky; just as the planet's mammals awake from hibernation; just as the time springs forth; and thoughts turn to love and baseball; something will happen. As the sun fades from view and the night swoops down from the sky... It will happen. Hey I am going to teach creative writing for Milford Adult Education. And I promise the product we generate from this spring semester will be better than that clap trap lead in. Thanks Milford Adult Ed for the opportunity.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Book Review front and center

Thank you to Blasted Heath publishers of two of my favorite crime writers, Douglas Lindsay and Anonymous-9 for putting my review of Mr. Lindsay's WE ARE THE HANGED MAN front and center on their website referencing my comments and wy website josephjpatchen.weebly.com. Thanks.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

"WE ARE THE HANGED MAN" book review is on LURIDLIT!!!

Another great title by both Mr. Lindsay and his publisher Blasted Heath can be found on Luridlit now. Read the review and buy the book.

Friday, September 21, 2012

FEATHERTALE to publish SHOOTING STARS a humorous poem

Just as the title indicates. The humor magazine/ezine 'Feathertale', based in Canada, has accepted my humorous UFO poem titled "Shooting Stars". Here we make fun of UFO phenomena, science, eye witness testimony, the men in black and the government all in 25 satirical lines. Thank you so much Feathertale.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Autopsy micro-flash fiction story to be published in FROM THE DEPTHS

Thank you to Haunted Waters Press for accepting an untitled thirteen word autopsy tale for the Fall 2012 issue of FROM THE DEPTHS. Couched as a contest the submission can be found as part of their PENNY FICTION section.

A Sign of the Times Belly Up

Every writer has to deal with rejection. But in these tough economic times, more than ever, a writer has to deal with a publication going belly up. Two submissions of mine have been the victims of this in one week. These were publications that were threee months ago healthy and solid publications. Whether a writer's voice is suppressed by the actions of its government proactively via censorship or through the relentless stripping of an economy to feed the whims of special interests -- freedom of expression suffers and all of our rights are called into question.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

REST IN PEACE STEVE SABOL

A true pioneer and artist, Mr. Sabol has passed. Our prayers to his family and friends. Steve Sabol revolutionized sports coverage; taking professional football and turning it into art. The camera angles, the miking-up of coaches and players, the music and John Facenda. Football ceased being a game -- it became Shakespeare. Thank you Steve Sabol and rest in peace.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Okay you are write....

A close friend of mine said to me tonight---you are getting snarky. Drop the political stuff and get back to doing what you do best. He's write.....

Hank Williams Happy Birthday

Hank Williams would have been 89 today. We wish the spirit of Hank Williams a Happy Birthday. Everyday we are saddened about his short life. But we are also immensely blessed with his catalogue of song. Leonard Cohen you are so right, 100 floors above is Hank Williams. Rest in Peace to the only man who can rival the great bard.

Friday, September 14, 2012

THE WALKING DEAD in a Review

My article concerning AMC's THE WALKING DEAD will appear in SURREAL GROTESQUE'S HALLOWEEN/OCTOBER issue along with my Halloween tale 'Diminishing Sight'. Details to follow.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

We will return to writing....

Yep. Longer pieces being written with longer wait times...we're getting there.

Apologies (Opinion)

Okay, I have to apologize to the DNC as it has come to my attention that the only choices brought in by Joe Biden for fleet photos was the Russian Navy, a photo of an enema and his bath tub flotilla of rubber ducks. I guess they made the only choice they could.

Call in the Russian Navy AND NOW THE TURKISH AIRFORCE (Opinion)

I had promised I wasn;t getting political and petty again, but I do have to post this in the wake of learning that not only did the DNC use the image of the Russian Navy; they also used the TURKISH AIR FORCE to represent our vets. What can the excuse be other than incompetence and/or derision for our veterans. This is disgusting. Here is the original blog entry: In case anyone missed it the DNC Convention used an immage of the Russian Navy as a backdrop in its salute to veterans. Nothing more needs to be said. It is just consistent with the last four years. What a Freudian slip. The joke is over.

Now Yemen (Opinion)

I am so glad to see that the beefed up security the president promised is defending our interests. Look, I cannot help but get more political at this time. For news organizations such as NBC to blame a film for this clearly speaks to the violent nature of radical Islam something that liberal organizations such as NBC will never speak to. Of course NBC should be commended for their further coverage of the world of the reality TV as they ignore the reality of the 9-11 moment of silence. The orchestrated attacks should concern all of us as a headline not as a movie review.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

9-11 (Opinion)

I was unable to post yesterday as I had several emergencies to handle on the homefront and with my business. It goes without saying how we all hang our heads each September 11th. In fact I, through quirks of scheduling, actually re-traced my steps that day at the same times. I cam into contact with many of the same people I encountered that day and needless to say our shared memories and silence spoke volumes. Now add to this the attack on our embassy in Libya and the cold blooded murder of our ambassador and three other americans. I don't want to politicize but we need a stronger response than we have seen from the President; we need to look more closely in where our financial aide is cashed, and; we have to wonder where our intelligence was. Hindsight is surely twenty-twenty, but the chronology of events was calculating an equation as simple as two plus two. My heart goes out to all the victims and their families of these attacks both past and present and my disgust is still with my own government for not showing strength and not demonstrating intelligence.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

The Cover for RIGOROUS MORTIS A MORTICIAN'S TALES is unveiled

The Cover for RIGOROUS MORTIS A MORTICIAN'S TALES is unveiled on the Scarlett River Press website. Awesome job. The book with my story 'Mr. Friedenhandler' is coming out very soon.

Is Patronage Trapped In A Web?

I was just reading some interesting articles concerning Kickstarter. The only reason I was there was simply because I had a story rejected by a project there and wanted to learn more. What I read was both interesting and scary. But something seems to be lacking in all of the coverage. Overall, though, it made me happy the story was rejected and hammered home the idea that one needs to fully vet before submitting. I would be interested in any comments or an education on this process. I have never sought to fund my projects other than by myself. I have always thought it to be distasteful to ask friends and relatives for the money 'to pay it forward'. What I read even on Kickstarter's site seems somewhat vague and filled with sloganeering. But I could be wrong. A disconcerting group of articles followed in my search giving me the most disconcerting of times. Would love feedback on this one. Educate me. Please.

The CDC and The Zombie Apocalypse-OPINION

The first time our tax dollars were used to warn about this I let it go. Okay, here is a humorous way to make people aware of the importance of civil preparedness. I thought, everybody is allowed to try anything at least once and I hope it goes away. But now a second time and quite frankly in a culture that is already ignoring reality via reality television and hunkering down in their parents' and grandparents' basements to hone their gamer skills is a little much. Do we really need to perpetuate the joke or has the joke become us? If we need to communicate with the general public in a fantasy code then I pray the game is completely afoot. That the general level of intelligence in this culture is hitting an all time low. I write horror and have nothing against zombies, but I am also an adult and understand real problems and can discuss real issues without couching them in flowery vampire terms or fleeting ghostly whispers. Can we just grow up for at least a few moments each day and use the toy department for what it is and deal head on with the real issues of the day like adults not like a bunch of overgrown children? Please. This place is a shambles because of our apathy, our squeamishness, our fear of the offensive; just grow up. Deal with the hurricance. Deal the tornado. Deal with reality. None of which are fun. Life isn't fun and can't be fun all the time. Your government is treating you like children and no one is offended by this?

Friday, September 7, 2012

"Diminishing Sight" to be published in the Halloween Issue of 'Surreal Grotesque'

And we are also working on a 'Walking Dead' article as well. Details to follow....

Next on Luridlit will be Douglas Lindsay's WE ARE THE HANGED MAN

Coming up in a couple of weeks Blasted Heath Publishing's latest will be reviewed. Thank you for the advanced copy; I do have a limited review on Amazon.com. By the way, I love the book.

BLOOD RELATED by WILLIAM COOK REVIEWED ON LURIDLIT NOW!!!

Check out the review of this generational tale of serial killers and the cops in pursuit over decades at Luridlit now.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Amazon.Com Author's Page

Thank you Amazon.com for helping me with an author's page. Since we expect two more anthologies being published by the end of the year I can hawk all my books to date on just one page. So you can buy CORSPES DON'T BLEED and 31 MORE NIGHTS OF HALLOWEEN on Amazon.com under my name. And soon two more books.

Coming Attractions

While the complete review will be on Luridlit.com in a couple of weeks we did publish a short review on Amazon.com for WE ARE THE HANGED MAN by Douglas Lindsay from Blasted Heath. I love this publishing house and Mr. Lindsay is one of my favorite crime authors. So in the meantime, before the full review hits--buy the book.

Wine Tastings -- A Specific Vignette

I am not the kind of guy to judge other peoples' hobbies, but I have noticed that many of the same people who, twenty years ago, when it was fashionable to rail against driving drunk now spend every weekend touring the state for wine tastings. Now, first of all I do not condone driving and drinking. I think the law does not deal as harsh as it should on the subject. The Penal Code in my state, at times for various offenses, doesn't go far enough to protect a public of future innocents and punish the wrongdoer. Second, I find wine tastings boring. This is my opinion just as many of your opinions may be that I am a tedious little man who can't crap. Fine. It is Free Speech. You remember free speech. We used to have it three years ago. It was a concept that applied to everyone. Something happened three years ago and now only a select portion of our society is allowed to practice it. Hopefull after November it will make a comeback. Third, I know you are supposed swish it around your mouth, inhale the aroma and spit it out; but come on that is a cop out. I have been to several and many do not swish and spit. Their perogative but don't look down on me for having a Jack or a beer. It is as phony as a recent Presidency of non-inhalation and mired in well, something else you swish around in a mouth and can either spit it out or swallow it if you like. To each their own. But I have been to a few of these and don't like the pretention worn by many. I especially don't like when pretention comes strictly out of a bottle. Breeding has nothing to do with a bottle, but it does with well check out the blue dress. Cigars are for inhaling. Drinking and, well blue dresses aside, isn't swallowing a key component to the activity?

Friday, August 31, 2012

A Truly Horrific Day

is now drawing to a close. For those today who voiced their pleasure to my household, well what can I say? You are what you are, and I certainly can't say anything to shame you. The mere fact that you took it upon yourself to defeat inertia with the power of hate says more about what kind of society we live in than any pure discussion could. And while many more people are suffering worse hardships this hour than mine; from my experience today I am sure those innocent victims have their detractors as well. It is an awefully sad state of affairs that this culture has become so fractured.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Angelique LaFontaine “Gone Is The Last Drop”; “Finding The Lost”; “The Matriarch”; “The Divers Of The Lake”; “Darkness Will Find You”, Smashwords REVIEWED ON LURIDLIT

Hey on Luridlit we have reviews for Angelique LaFontaine's “Gone Is The Last Drop”; “Finding The Lost”; “The Matriarch”; “The Divers Of The Lake”; “Darkness Will Find You" as published on Smashwords.

Beneath The Surface: 13 Shocking Tales of Terror, Various Authors, Shroud Publishing, 2009, 160 pages REVIEWED ON LURID LIT

Marvelous anthology is now reviewed on Luridlit. Give it a read.

Book Reviews are Pendng.....

On Luridlit. I know the schedule is a bit off but two more are coming as well soem advanced copies of new books. Your patience though is necessary and we thank you for it. I promise you will be entertained and informed...

Monday, August 27, 2012

Neil Armstrong

Rest in Peace to true American Hero. To a true role model. To an inspiration. God Bless You Neil Armstrong and Thank You.

Another Reason NOT To Self Publish

This column is about books. The self-publishing of books. A major problem today. I read an article this evening on Yahoo! about a gentlemen whose income of more than $20,000.00 a month came from book reviews. He is now in some legal hot water for this and I will tell you why. Now, as we all know I am a critic from Luridlit. I don't make that kind of coin because unlike this gentlemen WE DO NOT CHARGE FOR A REVIEW. Sure a publisher may send me an advanced copy but that publisher knows I may trash it. Welcome to adulthood. No one should charge for a review, this is the clear unspoken truth of literary criticism and has been so since the day a dude burned his fingers picking up the first Gutenberg and gave it a thumbs up. Listen writers all -- you should not pay someone to read your book. It is that simple. $99.00 a review and sometimes $299.00 a read; his customers were primarily all self-published authors. People, there two problems here-- 1. Work your craft. Self-publishing may hold the fast satisfaction of a fixed product bound tightly and colorfully in your hands; once the sugar high passes that self-published book is not viewed the same as another book, maybe even of lesser quality, that has come to the shelf via a more traditional route. Pure and simple self-publishing is fraught with fees; many outlandish. If your writing is that good, deal with the rejection and revisions and find the proper home for your work. In the long run the satisfaction is deeper and more worthy. 2. Anytime you encounter a fee in connection to publish, or for a review, or to enter a contest --- look elsewhere. Rejection and revision make us better writers not someone paid to extol our virtues especially when that person praising us may have not even have read the book. Come on, writers all look for truth in their work. Wriers all look for that honest voice. Our culture has gotten to be lazy and result oriented. Work is viewed as something disgusting and for losers. Yeah, I listen to those people. So be careful for what you wish for and be careful for what you pay for. Self-publishing may be nice to impress your family and friends but in the long run it comes up short if your aim is to be true. You want to impress --- do it the right way. In the end it will pay bigger dividends.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

31 More Nights of Halloween is on the shelves!!!!

"31 More Nights of Halloween" has hit the bookshelves and the kindles. My story "Carbon Copy" is night 16 or rather Chapter 16 in this horror anthology. Available now on Amazon.com. Check out the table of contents. I'm there and I should have my paperback by the weekend or so they tell me. Check it out.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I am now a reviewer for BLASTED HEATH

Thanks guys. I have just been appointed a reviewer for Blasted Heath, crime publisher from Scotland. We will be giving reviews to advance copies of their thrillers via Luridlit. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, August 17, 2012

The 1965 Christmas Rebellion

Only at josephjpatchen.weebly.com. What a brat!

COOKIE WALK is in The Carnage Conservatory

Thank you Emily and The Carnage Conservatory for publishing my summer Christmas tale COOKIE WALK. Hey the holidays will be here before you know it. While only 129 days away; just look at the catalogues in the mail and the decorations in the stores... So celebrate with me and our host, Mr. Trout, for a celebration of family and the feast you will never forget.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

August 16th Amazing Day

I realize you can take any date off the calendar and hit the historic highlights in wow fashion, but today is more than just a simple wow. Today is wowie consider this. August 16, 1948 Babe Ruth dies. Today is the 35th anniversary of Elvis' death. AND today marks the 50th anniversary of Pete Best being fired from the Beatles. Wow. All three of those are huge.

Monday, August 13, 2012

RIP JOE KUBERT

The sensational and iconic artist of Sgt Rock and Hawkman has passed today. He not only brought enjoyment to generations of fans; he educated and mentored many artists through the efforts of his art school. My heart and thoughts go out to his family and friends. Joe Kubert was 85. While the man is gone, his art and talent will last forever.

Friday, August 10, 2012

'The Meeting' to be published by Insomnia Press

Thank you to Insomnia Press who will be publishing by flash fiction story 'The Meeting' in the upcoming issue #3 of their fine horror magazine. AS I DIE LYING will include my short tale of murder, vengeance and an unconventional resolution to a love triangle. Details will follow.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Luridlit Has My Review of DEAD BAIT from Severed Press

Check out Luridlit for my review of the first Dead Bait anthology; horror stories themed to fish and fishing. Does it smell? Check it out.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

TITLE GOES HERE: KILL THEM DEAD

It's there. My story of revenge, "KILL THEM DEAD" has been published in in issue 2.8 of the magazine TITLE GOES HERE. Go there and read it, please.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Lizzie Borden 120 Years Later

If you were not aware; today marks the 120th anniversary of the Borden murders in Fall River Massachusetts. 120 years later Lizzie Borden is still as popular a figure as she was in life. Did she do it? I don't know, a Court of law didn't think so, so probably not; but the speculation is still fascinating. Rest in peace to all.

Friday, August 3, 2012

We Will Be Going Live....

Oh yes, live readings are coming to a place near you. Details to follow.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A F@#$%&g Good Read

I am amazed as to how magical the F word has become these days. I don't think at any time before have I ever seen the word in print as much as I see it now. And what really amazes me is the word's use, itself, as a stand alone story or as a stand alone column. Just the mere appearance of the word conveys a powerful postive feeling. Readers react so well to the word that in a recent column I read a columnist who simply summed up his thesis by saying that the character in the story in question was 'f@#$%d' without explanation or deduction, and yet the crowd went wild with comment after comment of praise. I am not a prude. Anyone who really knows me, knows I am in NO WAY a prude. Look, I believe language is a living and breathing, shape shifting organism and this is simply because language's bits and pieces are ever evolving and changing and devolving; ;anguage's organs and extremities become a cliche or passe only to be replaced with something new or something shaded differently. I can't wait for the F word to go that way because it means writers will be forced to write, have to create rather than swear like a ten year old and use a single word as a default rather than as literature.

100

Yes this is the 100th post. For any of you into numbers 100, more than any other number, is considered a milestone. To Saint Augustin it is the symbol of the martyrdom. To me, today, my birthday, like my birthday, it is simply just a number on my way to ther numbers. See you soon. josephjpatchen.weebly.com

Monday, July 30, 2012

Now That Is Writing............

Maybe because my birthday is coming. And maybe because as we get older we tend to get philosophical. Heard TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD's SIXTEEN TONS on the radion and man I appreciate those immortal lyrics now more than ever. That's writing.

Friday, July 27, 2012

A Year Is Almost Up

We revived the idea, really revived the idea, of writing as a serious exercise less than a year ago. I did this as a response to getting another year older and closer to my mortality. In this time I am happy with the foundation laid. There is still a lot of work ahead and a lot I wish to accomplish. As this year is almost up, in September, we already know we will have stories coming out through the end of the year and in anthologies at that. This is a good feeling. But one should never focus on the positive, should never rest upon past laurels, we need to improve, we need to produce longer pieces, better pieces, novellas and novels for example, and that is where we will place our efforts this coming year. I am not abandoning the short story or even flash fiction, they will come, but we want and should always want more otherwise we should pack it up and wait for the inevitable.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Dracula is coming to prime time

NBC has announced Dracula will have his own prime time television series this fall. That announcement in itself scares me. Network television has failed to get anything right since the advent of Cable and some can argue since the advent of television. Jonathan Rhys Meyers will be Dracula. Now I am interested. He is a wonderful actor; he is force of nature on the screen and was simply phenomenal in 'The Tudors'. I just pray they do not squandor his talent. We will be watching of course, but kudos on that bit of casting. If you did not see 'The Tudors' purchase the DVDs and enjoy the intrigue, the writing, the direction and superb acting.

When a Rejection is a Rejection. Hey New Writers!

We all get them. No matter how many stories you sell and have published you will still have rejections. You new writers, take heart. In my case, not that I am anyone special, some of my best items have been ridiculed before making an impact somewhere else. The annals of music and literature are filled with misguided rejections. So take the rejection, hang it on the wall, file it away and keep plugging. True, rejections do bother and they should. It is only natural. One of my favorites is the good old 'sorry we wish not to publish ____ so good luck with that." 'Good luck with that'? What do mean by 'that'? Is my story something akin to needing to be lanced? Or the carefully worded "Good luck placing it elsewhere." I guess it was THAT BAD!? Many editors don't necessarily mean to be mean; but sometimes you wonder. Sometimes you wonder if 'open' submissions are actually 'open'. Or how about those who run on and on about all the 'big' names who will be included in their anthology and if you are chosen you will essentially be the only nobody and damn lucky you are! This is a marathon and not a sprint. Real writing matures and survives, the flavors of the month no matter what awards they may 'win' or self-congratulations they may manufacture do have expiration dates. Work on your craft. Write what you feel. Do your thing and don't worry about what others are doing or even saying. Write from your gut. We all go through this, just don't let them get to you.

Atomic Noir Contest going on right now.....

So they want 75 words on the meaning on Noir. Fascinating how folks define it. Hey, I don't write crime per se so here was my shot as posted on their website and if I am lucky in the introduction of their newest anthology. What do you think? "Noir is suffocation; that tightness laden in your chest, the gloom and stench of cheap whiskey, sub-budget colognes, sweat, smoke and all matter of oozing bodily discharge. Noir is also an itch that can only be scratched by tearing away her sweater and fingering your gun. Noir is what you use to hide from the light with the rest of the vermin because you don’t want to face yourself and what you had to do."

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Book Review: THE RIM OF THE UNKNOWN by Frank B. Long, 1972, Arkham House, 291 pages.

Okay so in my spare time I am a reading and reviewing today. I could be doing worse things to clear my head if you catch my drift. ANYWAY.... I have a ton of respect for Frank Belknap Long. I believe many of his plots to be imaginative and quality complex. It is just sometimes the execution and even the ending is a little disappointing. Life is certainly does not have a happy ending. After all you die at the end. So I do have an issue with his strive in these tales to find the good and the happy. Overall I recommend these 23 tales; some very short, some long, some longer and a few in between. But be prepared for a few to leave you wanting more. This is a limited print run book that is still accessible and priced reasonably. Enjoy.

Book Review for THE SHALLOW END OF THE POOL Published on Luridlit Now!!!

Drop by and read my review of Adam-Troy Castro's heart and gut wrenching THE SHALLOW END OF THE POOL. All of I have to say, especially after what we are seeing in the news, this culture is in free fall. Change needs to come from within and begins with personal responsibility. Check it out.

Book Review: Sesta & Other Strange Stories by Edward Lucas White

I know. I know. I normally write reviews for Luridlit, and I will continue. But this is one of my own volumes and something I simply just felt like writing about. Edward Lucas White, who lived between 1866 and 1934, is not a household name but someone you should give some time to. Besides writing a considerable amount of historical fiction, he wrote the horror out of his nightmares. Gee, sounds familiar. Sesta, published by MIDNIGHT HOUSE in 2001 in an edition of 460 collecting many of his best horror shorts for the first time since the 1920s. Overall, this 'greatest' or 'selected hits' volume is intriguing. The language is not stilted, the stories breeze along, and while the situations are mundane, the essential plotting is marvelous. The execution of these tales, at times can be a little bumpy; but overall this a book you should read as as a bridge from Poe and Bierce to Bloch, Matheson, Beaumont and Bradbury.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Pray

As only those closest to me are, and there are not many of you, I pray a lot. Despite what I write and promote, I am a spiritual individual at heart who recognizing his many flaws believes in and has always believed in God. I don't go to church as I have issues with the organized version. I am not going into details but I have always believed religion is a personal matter and not something you show off like an expensive car or watch. SO why am I writing here? It is not my place to comment on ongoing investigations or on popular infamous deeds of the day. It is not my place to speculate on the overall meaning of tragedy and why it is so prevalent in our lives. But please pray for the victims of crime and violence; and please pray for their families as well, not only in Colorado, but in every corner of this country.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

'Be Careful For What You Wish For' on The Carnage Conservatory NOW!!

Thank you to The Carnage Conservatory and Emily Smith-Miller for publishing my urban vampire tale "Be Careful For What You Wish For". I take the romanticism of the genre and give it right back. If you blush easy or whince a lot --- this is not for you. If you love stripped down horror give it a read and just be careful for what YOU wish for.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Horrorus Interruptus

So an editor writes me that his editorial panel is disappointed with my horror story and they will not publish me because a character was killed. Yes, someone in my story was murdered. Yes someone's life-force was extinguished to further the tale along. (Before I continue I want to thank Monty Python for a good portion of this copy) True the character had ceased to be. The character was pushing up daisies. The character had gone to see the choir invisible. He was a dead character. (Please check out the Dead Parrot sketch of Monty Python, one of the most brilliant pieces of comedy ever written.) Even if I voomed with him with 50,000 volts he wouldn't budge... Okay. Enough of making light of this. What makes horror horror is the blurring of the line between life and death. It is the very existence of death that scares us; it is the dead who terrifying us. Skin crawls and cringe at the sight and smell of rotting putrid death. Without the element of death what do you have? Nothing. Please editors if you wish to spice up your pages and increase your readership with a dabble in horror understand this genre cannot be translated in 'politically correct'. Understand that death is a staple of horror just as it is a staple of life.

Friday, July 13, 2012

josephjpatchen.weebly.com

New postings such as a childhood photo and our brochure for live readings!!!

'Hesitation' is published on The Carnage Conservatory

Yes it is the second place Campfire Ghost Story is there. Give it a read. Thanks guys.

'Hesitation Places Second in Summer Campfire Ghost Story Contest

'Hesitation' Places Second in Summer Campfire Ghost Story Contest on The Carnage Conservatory. Congratulations to Cheryl Anne Gardner for her win.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

"WHEELS BUNDLED IN RUBBER" is now on SLIT YOUR WRISTS EZINE

I am honored to have my tale about war and ghosts on this fabulous site with some amazing writers. Give it a read.

'WHEELS BUNDLED IN RUBBER' to be published In SLIT YOUR WRISTS

My short story 'Wheels Bundled in Rubber' has been accepted by SLIT YOUR WRISTS, the literary e-zine. It should be up shortly. Thanks guys!!!

Crowded Quarantine Publications

Just signed the contract for 'Flight 377' to take to the air in the anthology TALES FOR THE TOILET. Paperbacks to be released 11.5.2012 with a digital version to be released 10.08.12.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Luridlit Review is up BLACK HOLE by CHARLES BURNS

Go over to Luridlit for my review of Charles Burns' marvelous volume BLACK HOLE published by Pantheon Books.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

KILL THEM DEAD in YOUR TITLE HERE

I just signed the contract for KILL THEM DEAD's August appearance in YOUR TITLE HERE. More details to come.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Monday, June 25, 2012

CARBON COPY has been accepted!!!!!!!!

Thank you to Lyle Perez-Tinics and Rainstorm Press for accepting CARBON COPY FOR "31 Nights of Halloween". I just signed the contract and am honored to be part of this anthology. More details to come.

GO to Luridlit now THE END OF DAYS REVIEW POSTED

Douglas Lindsay's marvelous satirical novel The End of Days is published. Witty and cutting is this piece involving a failing English Labour Party (like that couldn't happen), serial murders and the invasion of the United States by the mother country. Something for everybody. Check out the review and book.

Friday, June 22, 2012

'Mr. Friedenhandler' makes RIGOROUS MORTIS: A MORTICIAN'S TALES

Thank you Scarlett River Press, Jo-Anne Russell and Allen Jacoby as zombie horror satire tale 'Mr. Friedenhandler' makes RIGOR MORTIS: A MORTICIAN'S TALES coming out in the fall. This anthology is a collection of horror stories revolving around morticians. Just signed the contract and will have more details as they come available.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

HIP POCKET SLEAZE on Luridlit RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

My book review for the education and fun Hip Pocket Sleaze by John Harrison, as published by WorldHeadPress, 391 pages is out now. Don't worry, when you're done, you won't need a shower; well not unless you get a really good offer.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

A NIGHT IN THE COUNTRY Bumped to July 1st

So nothing surreal or grotesque will happen until July 1st. For those of you already in contact with me know we were not in issue 2 as we were originally slotted. We have been bumped back to the month of my birth July. Somehow that is more fitting. See you July 1.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Rest In Peace RAY BRADBURY

Rest In Peace to a true gentleman and true visionary. Ray Bradbury died last night at age 91. For those of you who have not had the pleasure, Ray Bradbury was a true literary giant. In the pile of hacks we are forced to sludge through these days, Ray Bradbury was and will be a giant forever. I had the opportunity to meet him once and I cherish those moments discussing the process of writing. Ray, I will miss you but will always remember and do my very best to follow your advice.

Monday, June 4, 2012

You Are Not A Writer....

Maybe not. Even if a literary critic agrees I won't believe it anyway. I am happy with our progress but unhappy with those who insist I shouldn't attempt this because of my day job. Recently a sales person told me she pulled up my name online and found my law office website and my writing website. How dare I have a writer's website after all -- "You are an attorney not a writer!" Yeah, great way to make a sale. I realize we live in an era where people find it abhorrent to break form the pack. I realize it is easier to stay in my little box and not dream for more. Hey sheep, don't include me. I can do both. While we are on the subject I am also not happy with those, some of them close to me, who are bothered about this. 'Why would anybody want to do this?' Well that is a pure insult. Look, we have had some success; we are a little ahead of schedule; and we have a long way to go. But I enjoy writing my stories; I enjoy entertaining and scaring people; I enjoy when someone writes or calls or tells me they enjoy my work. This is why we do what we do and if someone has a problem, then get out of my way. Frankly I enjoy writing more than anything else. It is the hardest work I have ever done. It is the most challenging work I have ever done. It is angst driven. It is tiring, physically, psychologicall and emotionally; but I love it. I love being around other writers; I love talking about writing; I love being challenged to write. Again, if you don't or can't understand this, I am sorry, but please get out the way.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Don't forget josephjpatchen.weebly.com

For all things me be it litereary criticism, funny stories and stories of horror.

Go to LURIDLIT NOW for the Review of BIG BABY

My book review of Big Baby, by Charles Burns, Fantagraphics Books, 2010, 103 pages is on Luridlit NOW. Give it a read there and buy the book.

Friday, May 25, 2012

A WAKE TIME TALE IS ON THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

Many thanks again to Emily and her kind words. A WAKE TIME TALE, a story about a man and his dead girlfriend and the monster that torments them is on The Carnage Conservatory today. Please give it a read. It is a gruesome tale so maybe its not a bedtime story for the little kids. Well it would have been one for me...

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Tales For The Toilet

I am honored to be there. I am honored to announce that I was notified today by Crowded Quarantine Publications Ltd, England that they have chosen my story FLIGHT 377 for their horror anthology due October 8th. Details to follow. Thank you gentlemen. I am both honored and humbled.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Black Belles I LOVE THIS GROUP

Just got turned on to The Black Belles on Third Man Records. They rock. They are original and they are not to be missed.

We Have A New Website.......

Come and visit and read JOSEPHJPATCHEN@WEEBLY.COM for a more in depth look at this blog.

See Luridlit.com NOW! Book Review: THE BADDEST OF THE BAD

Edited by Matthew Louis from the pages of OUT OF THE GUTTER. Gritty and real take on crime; both fiction and nonfiction. You want realism look here and not those contrived cable reality shows. Check it our avaiable from GUTTER BOOKS.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

We Missed Everyone

It sure has been quite. I have had pneumonia and my desk and email is piling up. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

See Luridlit NOW!!! Book Review of ANIMAL KINGDOM

Grand Mal Press' ANIMAL KINGDOM by Iain Rob Wright, published in 2011, is reviewed by yours truly on Luridlit---Take a gander and I do mean that literally.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Book Review: The President and The Assassin by Scott Miller, 2011, Random House.

The President and the Assassin by Scott Miller presents a compressed but lush course in history lending context to the cold blooded murder of William McKinley at the hands of self proclaimed anarchist Leo Czologosz. Published in 2011 by Random House the similarities between today and the turning of the nineteenth century into the twentieth are startling. As the United States begins to flex its muscle and influence as a global military and financial power; as war, labor unrest, colonialism, invasion, protests against the rich, and violence in the streets serve as background against a growing progressive movement in the Democrat party, a solidifying conservative movement in the Republican party and a schizophrenic anarchist movement trying to find its voice --- as with all assassinations, it comes down to one disgruntled human being at the center. What makes this case differ from the Garfield and Kennedy assassinations, and is yet similar to Abraham Lincoln’s murder, is the President’s actual cause of death. William McKinley did not die on the floor of the Temple of Music at the 1901 Pan American Exposition in Buffalo. He died following surgery and while it is arguable that his physicians may have committed malpractice, a shocked and patriotic society looking for order during disorderly times holds the man who put this causation into motion responsible. Leo Czologosz hangs, order is restored and the United States under Theodore Roosevelt flourishes. This is a most fascinating and well written book that should be the cornerstone for any historian’s and history lover’s bookshelf.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Levon Helm Rest In Peace

This is much belated but the first time I heard the band was on AM radio. I was a small kid but was taken with THE WEIGHT. I am still taken with that song and the incredible catalogue of The Band. Levon's voice lent character and in itself was an instrument of virtuosity to a group of musicians who were all, in their own right, more than the sum of their parts but together were one hell of a band. Rest in Peace Levon Helm. While we have your music we will still miss you.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A STORY ABOUT FLIGHT IS ON TERRIBLY GOOD THINGS!!!

I am a finalist in the CREEPYPASTA CONTEST and I would appreciate views and comments. A STORY ABOUT FLIGHT is what it says and I bring the shadow man back for a highjacking far creepier than D B COOPER. Thanks guys for the points and the opportunity to reach the finals!!!

Monday, April 23, 2012

NO TWO ARE ALIKE IS ON THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

Thank you Emily for all the kind words and the ability to showcase my writing. NO TWO ARE ALIKE is on THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. This story is not for the squeamish but that does not mean its gory. The subject matter may freak some of you out; but I find that women mostly love the tale. Enjoy.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

See LURIDLIT Right Now for ANONYMOUS-9 AND HARD BITE

Best new book I have read. Anonymous-9 remember the name; Hard Bite---buy the book!!! This is what literature SHOULD BE! This is what writing is all about. Finally someone with the courage and immense talent to wake us from the doldrums of worn out plot lines and romanticized horror and bland suspense. See Luridlit for the review and See Amazon.com and SMASHWORDS.COM AND BUY THIS BOOK!!!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Family Court

So I checked my name on the net to see if either my law practice or writing came up in a search and there I find a court case. Seems a gent with my name is being sued for child support in New York state. I just want everyone to know IT IS NOT ME, but someone of the same name.

I am married here in Connecticut with no issue in the State of New York.

Stop the whispering, please.

Surreal Grotesque to publish A NIGHT IN THE COUNTRY in issue 2

Issue 2 due out soon of SURREAL GROTESQUE will have my horror short story A NIGHT IN THE COUNTRY. This is the story set in the old west, with a gunfighter and a monster you have never dream of. More details to follow.

TITLE GOES HERE to publish KILL THEM DEAD

Yes, the magazine TITLE GOES HERE will be publishing my science fiction/horror tale KILL THEM DEAD in their August 2012 issue. Contract is coming as well as more details.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Permuted Press on Facebook HISSERS

Hey they reference my review from Facebook. Thanks guys for the plug and glad you liked the review---I liked 'Hissers'VERY MUCH!!

Free Speech

The attorney in me told me to pull the post down because of possible litigation; but what a world we live in when censorship is shoved down our throats simply because of class.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

THE ART OF MAN IS ON THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

My short story THE ART OF MAN has made it to THE CARNAGE CONSERVATORY. Thank you guys. Please stop by and give it a read with the other chilling tales of mayhem and terror.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

See LURIDLIT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My review of Hissers byRyan C. Thomas is up. ENJOY!!!!!!!!! But bring your spray.

Terribly Good Stuff dot com

A Story About Flight is in the finals....give it a read and comment. Thank you.

The Killer Rocks On

Congratulations to Jerry Lee Lewis on his 7th marriage. You rock Killer!

Monday, April 2, 2012

Terribly Good Stuff, Yes it is.............

Well we made the finals of TerriblyGoodStuff's Creepypasta contest thanks to A STORY ABOUT FLIGHT. This is a tale utilizing the supernatural form known as the shadow man in the hijacking of a passenger plane more chilling and mysterious than that of D. B. Cooper. I want to thank those who read it and compared it to a Twilight Zone and I have to laugh now at the editor who turned it down saying it was 'cute'. Yeah, she got it right. A STORY ABOUT FLIGHT WILL BE POSTED SHORTLY and keep your fingers crossed and vote on it to win.

Monday, March 26, 2012

A Bad Friday appears on CARNAGE CONSERVATORY

Thank you to CARNAGE CONSERVATORY for publishing A BAD FRIDAY. This is a horror story about a typical family that is short, sweet and didn't have to resort to an overblown script like something else I have seen. It's scary. Thanks guys!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hype? Oh What the Heck.....

Good For Many retitled to A Spectre Stalks Our Shadows is not yet released but getting a good initial buzz. More news forthcoming.

Drive IN Movie Spectacular Now Appearing

On Luridlit.com take a read of Monstrous, Apeshit!, and It Came From the Drive In.

Friday, March 9, 2012

New review on Luridlit: PRIMITIVE by J. F. Gonzalez

Just posted and ready to be read. Enjoy.

Okay, I wasn't a fan of the book. Yes I am tired of post apocalyptic tales with zombies--well in this case 'primitives' or cave men.

But then again I am not a big fan of the Walking Dead. My wife is though.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Andrew Breitbart, Boy this hit me in the gut......

Beyond the fact he was 43 years old, it is the vigor of the man that makes this the tragedy it is. Rest in Peace Andrew. You fought the good fight and now it is left to us to take up the mantle.

To your family and friends, my heart goes out.

Boy this hit in the gut.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

RIP Davy Jones

He was much more than one of The Monkees; as a singer, actor and performer on stage and television Davy Jones was a professional, a trooper and all around good guy. He always brought his audience the best and while the mainstream media will misplace his accomplishments know that a true talent has passed.

Rest In Peace Davy, you brough a great joy to many of us. You will be missed.

New Book Review on Luridlit

Lawrence Block's psycho-sexual thriller GETTING OFF is profiled and reviewed. Enjoy.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Thursday, February 16, 2012

COMMANDO The Autobiography of Johnny Ramone

Due out April 1st-----get your copy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Megadeth --- I knew I liked them

To Dave Mustaine. You have always been a straight shooter and stand up guy. Bless you and the band. And folks don't forget to vote in 2012.

Go to Lurid Lit and see my newest review

WHEN SEX WAS DIRTY by Josh ALan Friedman. Take a step into the the Tines Square Time machine and wear your best rain coat. LURLIT.COM

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I've Been Busy. What Have You Been Doing?

Thank you to THREE MINUTE PLASTIC for publishing A BETTER SHOVEL. This is a story about a mother and son; a man and his zombie; and why having the right tool at the right time is important. Enjoy

Monday, February 6, 2012

Luridlit-----Check out my reviews

Two posted--neat books-Chester Brown's PAYING FOR IT and Bryan Smith' ROCK AND ROLL REFORM SCHOOL ZOMBIES. Both recommended. See Luridlit for deatils and reviews.

Been Sooooooooooooooooooo Busy

Yeah and haven't posted. Anyway---Happy New Year.