Friday, September 27, 2013

On the Lighter Side.....A BETTER SHOVEL

I shared this tale with my class. Back to horror with some humor. For those mono-brains who might have a problem with this tale. Understand this is fiction. I would never kill my mother but I certainly would have no issue in taking the life of someone who tortures and/or kills the innocent. Evil has to be stopped not housed and coddled.

Now, back to the story. Happy Early Halloween:

copyright 2011 by Joseph J. Patchen

Thursday, September 26, 2013


I want to be very, very, very serious here. This is a subject near and dear to my heart and one I have spent countless time and dollars on. In the light of the Puppy Doe case in Massachusetts, other similar and even more horrific stories of animal cruelty have come out.

While I personally don't trust Craigslist, which is where this originates, I urge all of you to speak to your state lawmakers and strengthen your animal cruelty laws.

Also let your lawmakers know so they can convey messages to their judges and prosecutors that people need to be held accountable for their vile actions. People need to be punished. Really punished. Animal cruelty is the first stop to bigger prey.

As for people who sell animals as if they were a tag sale item, they too need to be punished. Not screening individuals who wish to purchase your animal, in my mind, makes you complicit.

End of my soap box for now.


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Dreadfully Absent

If anyone hears anything about 99 Penny Dreadful or hears from Blake Ryan let me know. I submitted to this project back in February as did others and we are getting no response.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013


This week we review Mark Slade's "A Six Gun And The Queen Of Light" and some extras. Check it out on now.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Banned Book Week

It's that time of year when we all act incredulously about the writings of Twain, Shakespeare, Salinger, Bierce, Paine, Steinbeck, Vonnegut etc. that have been banned for all kinds of idiotic reasons.

Each year we pledge to fight censorship etc. etc. etc.

Yes that is what we dutifully do. We pat ourselves on the back for recognizing the fight against censorship; we applaud our intellectual broadmindedness, etc. and then we sit down and watch the news that favors our political view, we read the newspaper whose editorial page agrees with us, etc. etc.

Censorship is not just a bunch of banned books; Censorship concerns a message; Censorship looks to ban an exchange of ideas. We need to celebrate banned books every week not once every year.

Saturday, September 21, 2013


What I adore about Schlock! Webzine is the old pulp feel; the blending of talent to create a tapestry of old and new. We are once again honored to be part of this fine publication with I LIKE MINE IN OIL. Eels and I suppose some Freudian psychology may be in order.

Living The Hustle

I feel bad this has become a traffic ad site. I am making a promise that while I will still notify and steer you to where I am appearing next; and the next post will do that; I will try as time allows in between my hustling for a buck and fame to add more literary content here.

I will do my best to stay away from Seinfeldian observations but will look to be just as witty (okay several notches below Seinfeld) and eye opening.

Just look at the tags.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


My humorous take on recycling and bulk pick up can be found on now. No Horror, No Terror. Just Fun.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Happy Birthday 90th birthday to Hank Williams

If he had lived, Hiram King Williams, known to the world as Hank, would be 90 today. He died at age 29 with one of the greatest catalogues of music ever written. Aptly named King, Hank Williams influence goes beyond Country Music touching rock and roll, pop and literature.

I have always seen Hank as our Shakespeare and I believe many would agree that the mention of both in the same sentence is as true as the talent the man possessed.

God Bless you Hank Williams, you died too soon, but thank you for incredible writings that are timeless.  

Monday, September 16, 2013

TRICK NO TREAT to be published

My Halloween horror tale has just been accepted in the October Halloween issue of "Surreal Grotesque". Thanks guys. More details to follow.

Friday, September 13, 2013

PESTS is published in an anthology

My short story PESTS has been published in Sourcepoint Press' FEAST OF THE DEAD: HORS D'OEUVRES. Yes, available on Amazon. The funny thing is I didn't hear from the publisher, I stumbled on it by accident as I was getting ready to query them.

What makes this doubly interesting is we share the bill with some folks from THE WALKING DEAD. PESTS by the way is a humorous short story about the undead.

Have A Happy...

Well you didn't think I would let this go by . . . It is not just a bunch movies.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Burning Question

Why does it seem that a photograph of an old book or magazine draws more interest than something written about the same book or magazine. Are we primarily visual?

New England Horror Writers Membership....

Has just been confirmed. Can't wait to work with everybody. Thanks.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

We Teach Again

Milford Adult Ed tells us we have a fall class. For those enrolled I look forward to meeting and working with you. For those who still wish to sign up call Milford Adult Ed. You have internet, come on look it up.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

September 22nd the Oil will run

"I Like Mine With Oil" will appear on the 22nd. Thank you Gavin and thank you Schlock!

I want to go back to my George Gobel comment. I say this simply because I think my writing isn't fitting into easy categories. I am not quite writing ghost stories or horror per se. I think I have fallen into the weird realm. This isn't anyone's fault per se save for my own issues in presenting a story.

I have very little control in how I write so I can see what I need to do to adjust this.

Also, I believe the Gobel statement is much larger. I sat with a friend today and realized just how out of place I really am.

Maybe I am making too much of this, maybe another tale is brewing. On we go.  


For those looking for 'I Like Mine In Oil' as originally announced for September 8th publication we have been bumped. Alas, I do understand the reason as the tale does not thematically fit this week's issue of 'Schlock! Webzine' which has more of a distinct Martian tone.

Please give that magazine a read as it is a great product.

Details to follow as to where the 'oil' will eventually drip.

In the immortal words of the even more immortal George Gobel, an absolute genius:

Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes.

Today is one of those days; but such is the way with our art.

Keep rockin'.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

It is Official....

My flash piece titled "Infested Candy" will be in the anthology titled 'UGLY BABIES' edited by Sydney Leigh and published by James Ward Kirk Fiction. My many thanks to Sydney Leigh. I am honored to be a part of what is shaping up to be an incredible read. More details to follow.

Friday, September 6, 2013

INFESTED CANDY to be in an Anthology

We are just waiting on the contract. But after editing we just got the word and we will be in UGLY BABIES. More info to follow. I am very happy after a very difficult day.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

My New Review on "Son of a Bitch" By White and Duza

Bizarro and Splatterpunk join forces to in the hot of the press "Son of a Bitch" by Andre Duza and Wrath James White. Check out my review on

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


My article, yes an article --- not a short story about purchasing haunted items on eBay is on CTBOOM.COM.

Have a laugh. That is why I wrote it:

Monday, September 2, 2013

Can't We Just All Get Along? Really.

As I toil this Labor Day, like every other day; I listen to the radio or I should say, what has replaced the radio, that is internet streaming.

On one of my favorite programs played an interview with Stephen Meyer who wrote a book about Intelligent Design. Now before the hate comes in; can't we just listen to the argument?

Well I did and I found the subject fascinating. I did have questions. I wish it was a call-in and not 'Best of' because boy did I have questions. I am not saying I completely buy or discount it; but it is the idea that is intriguing and deserves respect and scrutiny.

I decided to go to Amazon and check on the book. Perhaps I can read a passage and seek out reviews; but like fiction what I found was not a meshing of coherent discussions but either outright cheerleading or irrelevant venom. Can't we just discuss the merits? Can't we actually converse without the kneejerk childish politics?

I guess not. And that saddens me. In the long run that dooms us all intellectually and if you look at movies and television we have already started getting in the coffin.

This reminds me of a recent Facebook argument I was drawn into with someone who was clearly uninformed on the facts of a matter and whose most famous response to me when I tried to explain a point of legal procedure was "I call Bullshit" when I mentioned that I was an attorney and do work for the judicial system.

I know there is a movement these days not acquire things but experiences. You do that by opening your mind and seeking different points of view rather than going to a forest and sitting under a tree.

I mentioned fiction and I have found that many who review fiction do so the same way. I don't really believe people read anymore; they simply make judgments about an author or publisher and write reviews to leave some mark or damage someone else's wallet.

It is sad.


Thank you Labor Day weekend. Finally. Finally. I pulled my first and second drafts out and my notes and finally it is all cleaned up and back on track. The novel is one third the way done but finally COHERENT. And funny... More to come.