Monday, July 28, 2014

Blasted Heath Announces The Sequel to HARDBITE

Anonymous-9 will be back on September 1st with BITE HARDER, the long awaited sequel to HARD BITE. You can pre-order for Kindle on Amazon as follows:

I have an advance copy and recommend you click on that link.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Horrified Press Confirms THE BLACKOUT CITY ANTHOLOGY is Coming Out in August

I mentioned this a few weeks ago but it is now confirmed. The adventures of Joe Smoke heard on his podcast will now be read as an anthology. I have two stories there "Dirty Hands" and "Hit". A link will follow.

Gunntown Cemetery Connecticut

I made my first trek to the haunted confines of the tiny boneyard in an effort to set the staging and help the historical society find specific grave markers for characters to be written about.

I didn't have any sensation; I didn't see or hear a thing. Perhaps the residents knew we were there to celebrate them rather than taunt or confront.

We did find an empty bottle of liquor on the top of one headstone. Teenagers no doubt, perhaps they too came to commune with the undead with cheap bourbon and a Ouija board.

I just hope the reason for my uneventful trip was because the inhabitants were too busy torturing the damned fool who desecrated their hollow ground.

One can only hope. 

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Original Fiction is the theme this week on LURID-LIT

We offer an original story by Bosley Gravel titled BOSTON FOG. Let's just say it's a mouth full.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Time Flies When You Are....Hey PIDDLES Has Been Published

It is up right now at Bosley Gravel's Cavalcade of Terror....with a lot of licking good fun, woof.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

PIDDLES will be published August 1st

Just saw the mock up for PIDDLES and my comic werewolf tale will be up on Bosley Gravel's Cavalcade of Terror on August 1st. Link to follow.

This Cover Is A Bit Racy so......

But here is the cover for Nightmare Illustrated #7.

My Ghost Story, as you know is here.


Just go to LULU.COM ..............and look for Nightmare Illustrated issue number 7.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

A Review That Is Not A Review: I Am Recusing Myself

In a sense I want to thank BURNT OFFERING BOOKS for sending me an advance copy of YESTERDAY YOU SAID TOMORROW. However, I am going to decline a read and review for a couple of reasons.

1. I think, and traditionally I believe the industry will back me up on this one, that it is bad form for an editor who is choosing the stories for the volume to publish two of his own while also writing the introduction. These two tales are more than any other writer in the book but is something that appears to be a regular pattern in this publisher's/editor's history.

This does not bode well as to the selection of stories and does not speak well to the editor's consideration of the matrix of ideas in the weave. Why not just rename the title with your own name?

2. This same editor/publisher and I had a disagreement about a month ago. He wanted to include a story of mine but only if I re-wrote the entire story by his specs and with his ending and by the end of that day. He contacted me in the afternoon.


So thank you for sending the book but I think it is best I say nothing negative or be accused of being disgruntled. I am not a fan of your practices and I certainly don't have act as if I am.

I apologize to those other writers in the volume but it is more professional for me to walk away from this one than to add my name to something that should be nameless.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Tweeting and Twittering and if I play any more with these words it will probably sound obscene

You can follow me on Twitter @josephpatchen or @josephjpatchen

Why Does Bizarro Hate Me?

You ever meet that girl you thought was attractive, has great legs, flirty eyes, a throaty laugh; you know the girl, with the long hair and pouty lips-- yeah THAT girl. Well in a lot of ways that was my approach to bizarro literature. I just had to be there; had to be part of it; I had to show everyone that I could get the IN girl.

But alas all the bizarro publishers have shut me out. No one will tell me why? No one will offer a critique although I have a feeling this column might just generate one. Every piece I submit for publication is simply ignored without any hint of reply.

I certainly have read enough of it. I have critiqued enough books BUT WAIT.

And there it is....

Perhaps my opinion has delivered me into trouble. I haven't liked ALL of the books, true so true.

Yeah what else? Here we go again.

So perhaps my critiques have not been celebrated enough. Perhaps my statements within the literary community that I would not lock myself in a room with a bunch of novels the publisher demands I read and detox myself from the rest of the world of literature because I think it to be simply stupid, is what is offending.

Perhaps I believe that a true writer can write in genres and doesn't need a 'writing degree' is what has crawled up their craw.

Or is it that I am not getting on a plane to fly across the country to sit in classes where I am bombarded with literature and exercises chosen for me and then and only then will I be allowed to publish.......

You get the idea?

You ever meet that girl you thought was mega-hot. You ever position yourself at a party or dance to get in close to her for that one chance to meet her and win her over. You ever lean in and introduce yourself  with your best smile and freshest breath and then she opens her mouth.......

And then you realize she just ain't worth it. 

Literature is a celebration of ideas and meant for everyone not only those who pay the publishers' freight and homage. Want to hate me---go right ahead---you already do and frankly I could care less.

Understand that you genre was not born in the recent past that if you truly study literature you will find your brand of storytelling all the way to the 1910s.

What is old is new again and what writers like to do to other writers is censor them in order to promote themselves. This may be a bold statement but it is a true one and is even older than the movement we celebrate tonight.

Knives in the back for everyone......

Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Cemetery is Haunted---Be Careful For What You Wish

Details to follow but we are going to help script a historical drama in a haunted cemetery. The play will take place in the cemetery at night. The cemetery? That and the details will follow.

While I can't let it out of the bag just yet, let's just say that  Ed and Lorraine Warren believe it to be haunted. Maybe I will have photos to post.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


I just saw the cover mock up and we are featured on the cover. My short story based on lore from my childhood and the neighborhood I grew up in will be in issue #7 on Amazon and other outlets soon.

I do have to warn everyone that the cover illustration may be a bit too controversial for some tastes, but its the contents you really want.

Details to follow.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Joseph, What is This? Oh, That's Death....

A story from my past that most of you are aware of. A tale of a five year old and his vivid imagination claiming he had seen and captured death.

Ever since that time and perhaps some time before that as the dreams became nightmares I have always had a chip on my shoulder concerning the final act.

To not be afraid of death is not the same as understanding it is coming. The abstract of all of this seems silly now after the incident I was in the center of last week.

When a heart stops even for a few moments the realization is at hand and frankly I am still scared.

While I understand the process and the process is inevitable more than ever I know time is random and fleeting and time is important and the ones you hold dear are even more important.

Take care of yourselves. I am making changes as we speak.

And by the way, that picture I painted at age five was in black, while what I saw last week was very much grey.


is new story we have started for an anthology coming out in the fall. It's an apocalyptic tale set following the end of World War 1. I thank the publishers for inviting me to participate. Stay tuned for details. We are about half-way through and I am pleased with the direction the story is taking.

Friday, July 11, 2014

We are honored and humbled......

to have been named in the acknowledgements in Tim Bryant's latest novel "Spirit Trap". Thank you Tim.


Private Dick Dutch Curridge is back in his third novel with three dead bodies to start. Go to for the review.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Editor's Notes: What if Your Editor Isn't Well Read?

A former student emailed me about a rejection and asked this very question.

So I answered:

Chances are you're screwed but take heart there are others out there who are well read and will appreciate your work. The best one can do is vet the publication as best as possible and avoid those editors who have never published and avoid those editors whose work appears divergent from your own.

In this age of avoiding confrontation for fear of reprisal don't be afraid to call an editor out. He or she wasn't going to publish your work anyway. Remember you are standing up for yourself and your work. Don't take needless angst from someone who is functionally illiterate.

But please do your homework first. Nothing hurts more than to be rejected by someone who turns out to be a paper tiger or a cardboard cut out as opposed to a person of letters.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Ivan T. Sanderson

The great naturalist, author and crypto-zoologist who tantalized my imagination as a child died in 1973. In all these years hence I wished I could have known more about him. After all, as with all our favorite scribes, they become cherished members of our family even if we never shook hands.

I recently came into possession of some pieces of Mr. Sanderson's World War II correspondence that on first glance appears rather mundane. But when one takes the time and looks beyond the pleasantries one finds what one had hoped and expected: a complex man of high intellect and even higher moral fiber; someone who believed in the triumph of a free human spirit over oppression but perhaps most importantly, Ivan T. Sanderson was a huge fan of the great old science fiction pulps.

Mr. Sanderson, born a Britain, would later become a U. S. Citizen, legally.

Happy 4th.  

On Deck is

We haven't forgotten or got lost.  will be back next week w/ reviews, original fiction & more. Stay tuned.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014


That's a mouthful. Thank you BOSLEY GRAVEL'S CALVACADE OF TERROR who publish this comic horror story about a woman, a man and his werewolf in the next month or two. Details to follow.

By the way, this is the third story in three tries of my 'Anne and Honey' comedy series to be published. I think I need to write more.

Now a more terrifying Doll......

From Turk Regan and Running Press this beauty has been out for a while. I wouldn't think of using the voodoo feature at all, after all each time she opens her mouth she sticks herself.

To Sleep Perchance To Dream; Neat Horror Characters

Okay I am doing the best I can but even a close up of this creepy doll won't work

Anyway the legend of the Old Hag, as well as the Shadow Man, both precursors to the Slender Man meme has been a mainstay in cases of sleep paralysis. Memorialized as far back as the Old Masters these are essentially demons who sit on your chest and absorb your essence as you sleep.

Rooted deeply in the mythos of the incubus and succubus these interesting psychosexual explanations for a natural bodily process feeds our imaginations and stories with terrifying possibilities.

These are better characters to use than a shambling brain dead zombie or plodding bigfoot.